Bad responses to pregnancy announcements

A lot of my friends are having babies...surprisingly most of them are doing it on purpose.  I am not ready for this next step in life...and I think it's showing in my responses when people are telling me that they are expecting a baby.  Here, my friends, is a list of things that you shouldn't say when someone tells you that they are pregnant:

- Why?
- I'm sorry to hear that
- Whose is it?
- You're not going to name it something stupid like your parents did right?
- I hope it looks like your sister
- I thought you'd just gotten fatter
- Dibs!
- hahahahahahahaha!
- What if it's ugly?
- I'll still be your favourite though, right?
- So I guess you won't be drinking that bottle of wine I got you for your birthday...can I have it back?
- I hear pregnancy affects your sex life...how old is your husband's secretary?
- Lame!
- I didn't think you could get pregnant after all those scares in freshman year....
- Fine, but when you come over, the baby stays in the car
- Bet it's gonna be trippy finally feeling something come out of there for once
- Keepin it?
- By the time they're old enough to have kids of their own, humans will have killed the planet
- You're raising it Klingon right?
- Say goodbye to your good looks!

So....this may be why I don't get invited to a lot of baby showers...or because I got drunk and ordered strippers at the last one...

Either way...