We all eat, some of us more than others, but we all eat food. There is a massive variety of foods available in all parts of the world and infinite ways to prepare, serve and prepare all different types of food. As such, this means that there are ones that you, as an individual, like and some that you don't like and others may agree with you on some of those opinions and people who disagree with you.
I grew up a picky eater who disliked a ton of foods and ate only a select few (most of these were purchased from McDonald's); however as I have grown older, I have expanded my horizons (and my pant size). Despite being more open to a lot of foods, there are still some things I still simple can not abide.
The following food crimes shall be punishable by death once I take over the world (it will happen, and you will all thank me)
- Ketchup on KD. You are a monster. Why would you want runny sweetness mixed in with the creamy fake-cheese?? KD is perfect, don't ruin it
- Plain chips...seriously? Ok with dip but people who just eat plain chips without anything...I don't trust them- they are probably serial killers
- French Toast- soaking bread in egg is just weird, you are weird....stop being weird!!
- Mustard- Satan's condiment.... I don't care that most people like this- I will cut you over this.
- Melons...other than watermelon, there is simply no need- melons only exist so that restaurants can screw you out of giving you extra delicious bacon by filling up your plate with these fruit-bominations
- Putting anything on poutine- poutine is perfect, why would you mess with perfection?! It doesn't need your stupid pork, your heathen ketchup or your sacrilegious taco toppings, be gone!
- Olives. I don't care, they are only good for oil and you can bite my shiny metal ass on this one.
- Tomato Soup- this is just failed pasta sauce, you are not wanted!
- Anything from Arby's....seriously, if you go to Arby's, you'd be better off eating the wrappings than the "food" inside.
- Canned peas- literally the worst thing to ever exist,...literally.
- Putting anything in pancakes- leave them alone, it's already light fluffy and delicious. don't mess with that batter! You can out syrup, jam, peanut butter or a heap of cocaine on them once they're made, that's fine....but don't add to the batter!!
- Hawaiian pizza- it's like putting flame decals on a 1969 Corvette...do not desecrate such a beautiful being with your filth.
- Oatmeal Raisin cookies...they look like nice regular chocolate chip cookies but they're not...they're lies!!
- Black Licorice....sorry dad, but it's just wrong, it tastes like someone burned regular licorice and then put it back in the package.
- Well-done steak....you make me sick if you get anything over medium. Did you know that restaurants will give you a worse cut of meat the more well-done you get your steak? That's because they hate you like I do, you've ruined a good piece of meat!
- Carrot muffins- they tried to sell carrots as a dessert food during the war due to a sugar shortage...well the war is over an we can stop pretending that carrots belong in the 'sweet' category get them out of my desserts!
Ok, so there are more foods that I don't like to eat, but I left them off the list because I can respect their existence; for example all seafood. While I may hate it, I respect it's right to exist and can understand why other like it. The ones I have named above, however, will be destroyed when my glorious revolution takes over.
Bonne Appetit comrades.
White Girl Blogging
Showing posts with label food. Show all posts
Showing posts with label food. Show all posts
Friday, 3 March 2017
Friday, 17 June 2016
PizzaHutline Bling
They say that there are lot of things that are hard to quit...smoking, drinking, drugs, gambling, biting your nails, licking your coworkers ear when they aren't looking etc.
For me, personally, the hardest thing I've ever tried to quit is bad food. Candy, fast food, greasy, delicious, cheap, easy, tasty......I'm already drooling. After struggling for a long time on how to manage the intake of this delicious but totally bad for you type of food, it finally came to me...quitting junk food is like giving up on your asshole of an ex boyfriend.
He's bad for you....and you know he's bad for you. You want him to be good, but he just can't be, it's not in his nature. He smells good, he feels amazing and you have a history together but he makes you feel like shit, you hate yourself every time you hook up with him and you've sworn to delete his number (967-11-11) a thousand times.
It's always the same story; you find yourself at home for the evening with no (dinner) plans...you could go out and make the effort to try something new, meet a new meal, one who is good for you and makes you feel good about yourself. But that takes effort. Going out, making sure you have everything you need, risking disappointment and putting yourself (via tastebuds) out there.
Then HE pops into your mind. You don't want to think about him...but you know he'll come if you call. He's always available...he's the cheap, easy option, but you remember what he's done to you in the past. You look down at your body and think 'No...I won't let him hurt me again'. You go online thinking about finding other meals...but it's all so much effort and thought and time. It's getting late and you just can't get HIM out of your head.
You make the foodie call.
"I'll just have a taste this one time" you tell yourself. It's not true, it never happens that way. You're simply aching with anticipation as you wait for him to get there. You feel guilty but excited, like a kid who has told a lie and is waiting to see if his teacher believes it.
The knock at the door. You don't want to run to the door because you can't let him know how anxiously you were awaiting his arrival. You can smell him before you even see him....and he smells intoxicating. You bring him inside and sit back down, casual but eager. You try to play it cool but within moments you become ravenous and simply can't contain yourself. The taste, the texture, the smell...you remember it all and it's all sooooo good.
And just like that, it's over. You feel tired, nauseated, a little bloated and greasy. You don't really remember any of what just happened because you were so lost in the moment you didn't really think about what you were doing. You look down at the remnants and mess made and you start regretting it...you had more than you wanted, it went too far again. You look at your body and feel ashamed. You let it get the better of you again, like it always has.
You clean up and get rid of any traces of what happened, desperate to forget what you just let yourself do. You promise yourself that this is the last time, that you're going to start anew tomorrow. But he knows. He knows you'll be back.
So to all my late night foodie callers...put the phone down, delete his number and try to meet a nice salad or a carb-friendly sandwich. Sure, they aren't the easy ones, but they'll treat you right and are the better long-term investment. You don't want to end up with an unwanted food baby.
For me, personally, the hardest thing I've ever tried to quit is bad food. Candy, fast food, greasy, delicious, cheap, easy, tasty......I'm already drooling. After struggling for a long time on how to manage the intake of this delicious but totally bad for you type of food, it finally came to me...quitting junk food is like giving up on your asshole of an ex boyfriend.
He's bad for you....and you know he's bad for you. You want him to be good, but he just can't be, it's not in his nature. He smells good, he feels amazing and you have a history together but he makes you feel like shit, you hate yourself every time you hook up with him and you've sworn to delete his number (967-11-11) a thousand times.
It's always the same story; you find yourself at home for the evening with no (dinner) plans...you could go out and make the effort to try something new, meet a new meal, one who is good for you and makes you feel good about yourself. But that takes effort. Going out, making sure you have everything you need, risking disappointment and putting yourself (via tastebuds) out there.
Then HE pops into your mind. You don't want to think about him...but you know he'll come if you call. He's always available...he's the cheap, easy option, but you remember what he's done to you in the past. You look down at your body and think 'No...I won't let him hurt me again'. You go online thinking about finding other meals...but it's all so much effort and thought and time. It's getting late and you just can't get HIM out of your head.
You make the foodie call.
"I'll just have a taste this one time" you tell yourself. It's not true, it never happens that way. You're simply aching with anticipation as you wait for him to get there. You feel guilty but excited, like a kid who has told a lie and is waiting to see if his teacher believes it.
The knock at the door. You don't want to run to the door because you can't let him know how anxiously you were awaiting his arrival. You can smell him before you even see him....and he smells intoxicating. You bring him inside and sit back down, casual but eager. You try to play it cool but within moments you become ravenous and simply can't contain yourself. The taste, the texture, the smell...you remember it all and it's all sooooo good.
And just like that, it's over. You feel tired, nauseated, a little bloated and greasy. You don't really remember any of what just happened because you were so lost in the moment you didn't really think about what you were doing. You look down at the remnants and mess made and you start regretting it...you had more than you wanted, it went too far again. You look at your body and feel ashamed. You let it get the better of you again, like it always has.
You clean up and get rid of any traces of what happened, desperate to forget what you just let yourself do. You promise yourself that this is the last time, that you're going to start anew tomorrow. But he knows. He knows you'll be back.
So to all my late night foodie callers...put the phone down, delete his number and try to meet a nice salad or a carb-friendly sandwich. Sure, they aren't the easy ones, but they'll treat you right and are the better long-term investment. You don't want to end up with an unwanted food baby.
Wednesday, 22 July 2015
Some notes on my beloved Toronto
I'm as close to being considered a 'world traveler' as Kim Kardashian is to being considered a scholar. I was born and raised in the city in which I still reside, Toronto, Ontario, Canada. I am very Canadian... I love Tim Hortons, I watch hockey, I hold doors open for people, I speak French and I love poutine. I didn't start leaving Canada to visit other places until later in my 20's and more so now in my 30's (although I still maintain that my age is perpetually 24). The list of cities/countries outside of Canada to which I have been is very short, especially compared to most of my friends, many of whom have been on more trips than I have failed diets attempts. However, while my travels are limited and none can be considered exotic, each one has given me new appreciations and lamentations regarding the hometown to which I return at the end of each journey. So here I lay out some of the new perspectives, wishes, complaints and perhaps even ideas that I have brought back with me to Toronto, for Toronto.
The number one issue is the one I think all Torontonians would agree with...public transit. The TTC sucks the big one in so many ways when you compare our transit system on a global scale. New York City and London may have much larger populations than Toronto by 2, 3, maybe even 4 times over...but their transit systems outshine ours in exponents that can only be calculated by NASA. We have 3.5 subway lines for the largest population in Canada and a city that is building so many condos in the downtown core it's as if they have a hoarding problem. Only 2 of the lines are ever really used, because the only time the Sheppard line is ever used is when people without cars need to go to IKEA. The Scarborough "SRT" line isn't a subway....it's pretty much just a bus in a cave. Looking at a map of London's underground, it's so thorough and complex it's its own small city. If you don't live on Yonge Street or Bloor/Danforth, Toronto's subway is useless. Even if you do...do not bother trying to ride it at any given rush hour as the capacity is roughly 10% of the actual human traffic. To top it off, what's our big solution? Building a line nobody wants or will use in Scarborough....*slow clap* bravo. At least I can say that our subway cars are nicely air conditioned....lookin at you Rome metro! 40 degrees, jammed in like sardines and no air conditioning? Is Caligula back in charge?
History. Canadians don't have much of it, we're not even officially 150 years old yet while some European cities are so old they were built by cro-magnon man. Having recently visited the "Eternal City" aka Rome, Italy...you cannot help but develop an extra large sense of appreciation for history. Their prize ruins are exactly that, ruined pieces of once monumental buildings from an age long dead; ruined by barbarian invaders, pollution, nature and time. But they are still there. They are preserved, valued, kept up, prized and studied. They live modernly alongside history in a way that should be more of an example to other cities. I don't think Toronto has said 'no' to a request to tear down a beautiful old building...ever. Toronto doesn't blink an eye at the idea of tearing down something old and historic to throw up some ugly new condo building as long as the right amount of money changes hands. Walk along the river Tiber and look at the buildings along the water. Now walk along the waterfront of Lake Ontario and look at the sea of concrete and glass condos....makes you want to throw up in your mouth. I am all for progress and development in the city...please do tear down some of the ugly useless buildings and make them bigger and better...but if I see one more century old building that's as old as Toronto being torn down for some concrete tower...I'm moving to Barrie. (not really, that's gross). I realize I could also praise London and Edinburgh for their gorgeous old buildings...but Rome is the gold standard.
Food. This one I will say, each city has its strengths. Toronto has amazing variety of food, it's a great place to be a foodie because you can find any cuisine imaginable offered somewhere in the city. Rome...the quality of the ingredients is just unparalleled, it's all so fresh and nurtured that the food has to be super simple otherwise you lose the fresh tastes. I will dream of that buffalo mozzarella and prosciutto for the rest of my days. New York.,..American portion sizes are enough to solve world hunger. They give you enough food on one plate to keep you full for a week. Montreal, your poutine should have its own religion. London....umm...well....I approve of the high levels of tea availability. I'm not even including Edinburgh in this...you should be ashamed.
Public washrooms. I'm a woman...I need to pee frequently. Toronto is great for washrooms...if you need to go, you're probably within a 5 minute walk of a decent bathroom. London is also great, they have pay toilets but it's very cheap and just ensures that they are funded to be cleaned...one I went into even had a hair drier and a hair straightener....genius! New York...they were fairly frequent but pretty hepatitis-y. A lot of trying not to touch anything and always hover-pee. Montreal....I really don't know...I spent so much time so drunk that I don't know what I did or where I went. Rome...oh Rome....you bastards. Not only are there zero washrooms anywhere but the ones they do have are more like torture devices. Did people not pee in BC times? Did Michelangelo not need a potty break when painting the Sistine? Bah!
Art. Rome has the Sistine Chapel, works older than most civilizations and sculpture that would bring a blind man to his knees. London has some of the most beautiful treasures ever found from the world over (granted, most of them not created in England....*cough* Greek). Montreal's art exhibitions are always super impressive and hip. New York embodies art in so many ways outside of the staggering art museums that it's everywhere. Toronto....umm....we...don't match up. The AGO? Good god, the building itself looks like something a 2nd year architecture student sneezed out and the most impressive shows we get are Andy Warhol's 3rd cousin's uncle's sketchbook rejects. Our taste in art as a city on the whole seems to reflect in our huge buildings...flat, boring, unoriginal. We have small pockets of great stuff...but going to a museum or 'big' show in Toronto is just... exactly.
So those are my chosen 5 categories...there are a million other comparisons that could be made but I feel like these first few would be a good start to improving the prospects for my humble T-dot. Perhaps after my next planned destination (Paris) I will have more insight...if nothing else into the French-English rivalry that Toronto-Montreal can quasi join in on. So...how do I send this to John Tory to get a move on? He seems to be on Breakfast Television every other day...time to stalk Frankish!
The number one issue is the one I think all Torontonians would agree with...public transit. The TTC sucks the big one in so many ways when you compare our transit system on a global scale. New York City and London may have much larger populations than Toronto by 2, 3, maybe even 4 times over...but their transit systems outshine ours in exponents that can only be calculated by NASA. We have 3.5 subway lines for the largest population in Canada and a city that is building so many condos in the downtown core it's as if they have a hoarding problem. Only 2 of the lines are ever really used, because the only time the Sheppard line is ever used is when people without cars need to go to IKEA. The Scarborough "SRT" line isn't a subway....it's pretty much just a bus in a cave. Looking at a map of London's underground, it's so thorough and complex it's its own small city. If you don't live on Yonge Street or Bloor/Danforth, Toronto's subway is useless. Even if you do...do not bother trying to ride it at any given rush hour as the capacity is roughly 10% of the actual human traffic. To top it off, what's our big solution? Building a line nobody wants or will use in Scarborough....*slow clap* bravo. At least I can say that our subway cars are nicely air conditioned....lookin at you Rome metro! 40 degrees, jammed in like sardines and no air conditioning? Is Caligula back in charge?
History. Canadians don't have much of it, we're not even officially 150 years old yet while some European cities are so old they were built by cro-magnon man. Having recently visited the "Eternal City" aka Rome, Italy...you cannot help but develop an extra large sense of appreciation for history. Their prize ruins are exactly that, ruined pieces of once monumental buildings from an age long dead; ruined by barbarian invaders, pollution, nature and time. But they are still there. They are preserved, valued, kept up, prized and studied. They live modernly alongside history in a way that should be more of an example to other cities. I don't think Toronto has said 'no' to a request to tear down a beautiful old building...ever. Toronto doesn't blink an eye at the idea of tearing down something old and historic to throw up some ugly new condo building as long as the right amount of money changes hands. Walk along the river Tiber and look at the buildings along the water. Now walk along the waterfront of Lake Ontario and look at the sea of concrete and glass condos....makes you want to throw up in your mouth. I am all for progress and development in the city...please do tear down some of the ugly useless buildings and make them bigger and better...but if I see one more century old building that's as old as Toronto being torn down for some concrete tower...I'm moving to Barrie. (not really, that's gross). I realize I could also praise London and Edinburgh for their gorgeous old buildings...but Rome is the gold standard.
Food. This one I will say, each city has its strengths. Toronto has amazing variety of food, it's a great place to be a foodie because you can find any cuisine imaginable offered somewhere in the city. Rome...the quality of the ingredients is just unparalleled, it's all so fresh and nurtured that the food has to be super simple otherwise you lose the fresh tastes. I will dream of that buffalo mozzarella and prosciutto for the rest of my days. New York.,..American portion sizes are enough to solve world hunger. They give you enough food on one plate to keep you full for a week. Montreal, your poutine should have its own religion. London....umm...well....I approve of the high levels of tea availability. I'm not even including Edinburgh in this...you should be ashamed.
Public washrooms. I'm a woman...I need to pee frequently. Toronto is great for washrooms...if you need to go, you're probably within a 5 minute walk of a decent bathroom. London is also great, they have pay toilets but it's very cheap and just ensures that they are funded to be cleaned...one I went into even had a hair drier and a hair straightener....genius! New York...they were fairly frequent but pretty hepatitis-y. A lot of trying not to touch anything and always hover-pee. Montreal....I really don't know...I spent so much time so drunk that I don't know what I did or where I went. Rome...oh Rome....you bastards. Not only are there zero washrooms anywhere but the ones they do have are more like torture devices. Did people not pee in BC times? Did Michelangelo not need a potty break when painting the Sistine? Bah!
Art. Rome has the Sistine Chapel, works older than most civilizations and sculpture that would bring a blind man to his knees. London has some of the most beautiful treasures ever found from the world over (granted, most of them not created in England....*cough* Greek). Montreal's art exhibitions are always super impressive and hip. New York embodies art in so many ways outside of the staggering art museums that it's everywhere. Toronto....umm....we...don't match up. The AGO? Good god, the building itself looks like something a 2nd year architecture student sneezed out and the most impressive shows we get are Andy Warhol's 3rd cousin's uncle's sketchbook rejects. Our taste in art as a city on the whole seems to reflect in our huge buildings...flat, boring, unoriginal. We have small pockets of great stuff...but going to a museum or 'big' show in Toronto is just... exactly.
So those are my chosen 5 categories...there are a million other comparisons that could be made but I feel like these first few would be a good start to improving the prospects for my humble T-dot. Perhaps after my next planned destination (Paris) I will have more insight...if nothing else into the French-English rivalry that Toronto-Montreal can quasi join in on. So...how do I send this to John Tory to get a move on? He seems to be on Breakfast Television every other day...time to stalk Frankish!
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