Some notes on my beloved Toronto

I'm as close to being considered a 'world traveler' as Kim Kardashian is to being considered a scholar.  I was born and raised in the city in which I still reside, Toronto, Ontario, Canada.  I am very Canadian... I love Tim Hortons, I watch hockey, I hold doors open for people, I speak French and I love poutine.  I didn't start leaving Canada to visit other places until later in my 20's and more so now in my 30's (although I still maintain that my age is perpetually 24).  The list of cities/countries outside of Canada to which I have been is very short, especially compared to most of my friends, many of whom have been on more trips than I have failed diets attempts.  However, while my travels are limited and none can be considered exotic, each one has given me new appreciations and lamentations regarding the hometown to which I return at the end of each journey. So here I lay out some of the new perspectives, wishes, complaints and perhaps even ideas that I have brought back with me to Toronto, for Toronto.

The number one issue is the one I think all Torontonians would agree with...public transit.  The TTC sucks the big one in so many ways when you compare our transit system on a global scale.  New York City and London may have much larger populations than Toronto by 2, 3, maybe even 4 times over...but their transit systems outshine ours in exponents that can only be calculated by NASA.  We have 3.5 subway lines for the largest population in Canada and a city that is building so many condos in the downtown core it's as if they have a hoarding problem.  Only 2 of the lines are ever really used, because the only time the Sheppard line is ever used is when people without cars need to go to IKEA.  The Scarborough "SRT" line isn't a subway....it's pretty much just a bus in a cave.  Looking at a map of London's underground, it's so thorough and complex it's its own small city.  If you don't live on Yonge Street or Bloor/Danforth, Toronto's subway is useless.  Even if you do...do not bother trying to ride it at any given rush hour as the capacity is roughly 10% of the actual human traffic.  To top it off, what's our big solution?  Building a line nobody wants or will use in Scarborough....*slow clap*  bravo.  At least I can say that our subway cars are nicely air conditioned....lookin at you Rome metro! 40 degrees, jammed in like sardines and no air conditioning? Is Caligula back in charge?

History.  Canadians don't have much of it, we're not even officially 150 years old yet while some European cities are so old they were built by cro-magnon man.  Having recently visited the "Eternal City" aka Rome, Italy...you cannot help but develop an extra large sense of appreciation for history.  Their prize ruins are exactly that, ruined pieces of once monumental buildings from an age long dead; ruined by barbarian invaders, pollution, nature and time.  But they are still there.  They are preserved, valued, kept up, prized and studied.  They live modernly alongside history in a way that should be more of an example to other cities.  I don't think Toronto has said 'no' to a request to tear down a beautiful old building...ever.  Toronto doesn't blink an eye at the idea of tearing down something old and historic to throw up some ugly new condo building as long as the right amount of money changes hands.  Walk along the river Tiber and look at the buildings along the water.  Now walk along the waterfront of Lake Ontario and look at the sea of concrete and glass condos....makes you want to throw up in your mouth.  I am all for progress and development in the city...please do tear down some of the ugly useless buildings and make them bigger and better...but if I see one more century old building that's as old as Toronto being torn down for some concrete tower...I'm moving to Barrie. (not really, that's gross).  I realize I could also praise London and Edinburgh for their gorgeous old buildings...but Rome is the gold standard.

Food. This one I will say, each city has its strengths.  Toronto has amazing variety of food, it's a great place to be a foodie because you can find any cuisine imaginable offered somewhere in the city.  Rome...the quality of the ingredients is just unparalleled, it's all so fresh and nurtured that the food has to be super simple otherwise you lose the fresh tastes.  I will dream of that buffalo mozzarella and prosciutto for the rest of my days.  New York.,..American portion sizes are enough to solve world hunger.  They give you enough food on one plate to keep you full for a week.  Montreal, your poutine should have its own religion.  London....umm...well....I approve of the high levels of tea availability. I'm not even including Edinburgh in this...you should be ashamed.

Public washrooms.  I'm a woman...I need to pee frequently.  Toronto is great for washrooms...if you need to go, you're probably within a 5 minute walk of a decent bathroom.  London is also great, they have pay toilets but it's very cheap and just ensures that they are funded to be cleaned...one I went into even had a hair drier and a hair straightener....genius!  New York...they were fairly frequent but pretty hepatitis-y.  A lot of trying not to touch anything and always hover-pee.  Montreal....I really don't know...I spent so much time so drunk that I don't know what I did or where I went.  Rome...oh Rome....you bastards.  Not only are there zero washrooms anywhere but the ones they do have are more like torture devices.  Did people not pee in BC times? Did Michelangelo not need a potty break when painting the Sistine? Bah!

Art.  Rome has the Sistine Chapel, works older than most civilizations and sculpture that would bring a blind man to his knees.  London has some of the most beautiful treasures ever found from the world over (granted, most of them not created in England....*cough* Greek).  Montreal's art exhibitions are always super impressive and hip.  New York embodies art in so many ways outside of the staggering art museums that it's everywhere.  Toronto....umm....we...don't match up.  The AGO? Good god, the building itself looks like something a 2nd year architecture student sneezed out and the most impressive shows we get are Andy Warhol's 3rd cousin's uncle's sketchbook rejects.  Our taste in art as a city on the whole seems to reflect in our huge buildings...flat, boring, unoriginal.  We have small pockets of great stuff...but going to a museum or 'big' show in Toronto is just... exactly.

So those are my chosen 5 categories...there are a million other comparisons that could be made but I feel like these first few would be a good start to improving the prospects for my humble T-dot.  Perhaps after my next planned destination (Paris) I will have more insight...if nothing else into the French-English rivalry that Toronto-Montreal can quasi join in on.  So...how do I send this to John Tory to get a move on? He seems to be on Breakfast Television every other day...time to stalk Frankish!

These are a few of my LEAST favourite things

I often think of things that annoy me but they don't quite have enough meat in them to sustain their own rant, so I am compiling them into this list of little shitty moments.  For most of them, one of these isn't enough to ruin your entire day, but pick any 3 and have them all occur within a 24-hour period, and that day is a write-off.

- Not being able to wear the outfit you'd mentally prepared to wear
- Making tea/coffee and discovering that there's no milk
- Getting to the street corner when the counter is a '3'...because you're a dick if you start crossing but it's still an extra 3 seconds you have to stand at what is technically a green light and feel dumb.
- Taking a sip of your tea and it's ice cold
- Not having hot water
- Someone not saying 'thank you'
- Tripping in public
- Replying immediately to a text you've received only to not get a response...what did you do, text me then throw the phone out of the window?
- Meeting up with someone who is more than 15 minutes late and they didn't bother to text or call
- Stepping in a puddle and it soaks your sock
- Socks in general...f**k socks
- Your team losing....trust me, I'm a Leafs fan, I know this feeling better than most
- Realizing it's not pay week until next week.
- Being on hold
- When the item you want is finally on sale but they don't have your size
- Getting stuck behind someone who is making a return or has to hassle the cashier
- People who argue for the sake of argument...go deal with your anger issues on your own time
- Teenagers...all of them...always
- Getting stuck behind people who walk abysmally slow and not being able to get around them
- Someone who doesn't hold the door open for you
- When they don't have any good soup at your favourite lunch spot...this happened to me yesterday and I'm still bitter.
- Getting to work and realizing that the look you thought was 'hot' at home in the mirror looks ridiculous
- Lipstick on your teeth
- Fat days, bad hair days, cramp days
- Going the whole week without winning F**K ALL in Roll Up the Rim
- Getting a bitchy voicemail first thing in the morning
- Being happy that 'at least it's Thursday' only to realize it's Wednesday
- Leaving a store with a bag of stuff you bought having forgotten to buy the thing you originally went in for.
- Breaking a nail...don't pretend like it doesn't suck
- Your boss dropping by unexpectedly...it throws you off.
- Your computer freezing
- Forgetting your password for something
- Having a headache
- Having to pretend you enjoy your friend's bullsh*t inspirational quotes they always post
- Hearing that an actor or singer you like has died
- Getting into an argument via text...because those last ages
- Not knowing what you want for dinner...it's just frustration you eat
- Hearing someone misquote your favourite book or movie
- Getting blamed for something that wasn't your fault
- Going to every store in the mall and still not finding anything you like
- When the fast food place gets your order wrong
- Delays on the TTC
- Looking down and seeing a stain in your shirt or a run in your pantyhose
- When your cashier is rude for no reason
- Forgetting your headphones
- Rain when you weren't expecting it
- Your colleague being off sick
- Waking up with less than 5 minutes before your alarm goes off
- Getting a reminder call for an appointment tomorrow you totally forgot about
- Getting to the stop or station just to see your bus/train pulling away
- Calling for any kind of appointment and them not having anything available
- Explaining something 17 times and the other person still doesn't get it
- When your phone rings just as you get up to go to the washroom (although most men I know would just bring their phone in with them...cause they're gross)
- Having to go somewhere when you only have 20% battery life left on your phone


Hm, kinda got a bit long winded...but many things bother me.  So,..how's your day?

How Rude!

It has taken me a few days to think about what my next topic would be- everything I want to rant about is work related, but I'm not one of those people who is stupid enough to talk about work over the internet...especially not since I work for an internet provider...I would be eligible for a Darwin Award for sheer lack of brain activity at that point.

While some silly things are bothering me even at this moment...like how uncomfortable this desk is (damn you Ikea), how I really don't understand this 'vent' on my can of Coors Light or how my cat will not allow me to use her as a foot stool (after all the tummy rubs..no respect)...but I seem to be thinking a lot this week as to the number of rude people I've come into contact with recently, especially since the end of summer.  Perhaps the unofficial end to a lackluster summer has put people into a grumpy mood, maybe it's just the sheer growing numbers of people in the GTA I come into contact with on any given day....or perhaps...just maybe, some people are just jerks. (insert "Stop that Mr. Simpson" quote)

Yesterday on the subway, on my way home there was a couple getting on at the same stop as me, as well as many others since it was the first stop on the line.  The couple was obviously not from the area since they had a map and seemed rather unsure as to where they were going, but they seemed pleasant enough, they certainly weren't bothering anybody.  The subway car was moderately full, there were still a few groups of seats open, so, naturally, they headed to sit in the open two-seater closest to them.  At that moment when the woman was just turning into the seat, a teenage girl swooped in and took the seat out from under her...then threw her arms out over the second seat so that her giggling friend could catch up and join her.  The girls proceeded to giggle while actively avoiding eye contact with the couple they had just inconvenienced for no reason, thinking they were funny and slick.  The couple was a bit taken aback by the blatant rudeness of what the girl had done, but they quietly went to find another spot.  The teen girls spent the rest of the ride talking and giggling obnoxiously loudly, flashing their name-brand purses and jewelry that daddy obviously bought and discussing how stupid other girls they both knew are.

These girls were physically quite attractive, amazing skin, nicely dressed, hair done, etc.  I, however, found them to be the ugliest people on the subway.  

A message to people in general is that it does not matter how hot you are, how toned or ripped your body is, how nice your clothes are, how smooth you think you are...rudeness makes you ugly.

The lady who shoves everyone out of her way in the mornings to get on my bus, ugly.  The guy who told the cashier that she was an idiot because the machine broke that she wasn't even using, ugly.  The Calvin Klein model-like guy on the subway who took up 3 seats with his gym bag and didn't move them for an older gentleman...UGLY!

Think about how you would feel if you were out somewhere on a date or with your girlfriend/boyfriend, and for no real reason, they started being quite rude to the waitstaff.  Perhaps they are complaining about the meal loudly, telling the staff off, the sort of 'omg don't say that' things that happen.  Now, how would you feel about them during and after?  If you're like me, that person just became instantly unattractive.  My mother gave me a lot of good advice over the years (like how to freak out telemarketers, thanks mom) but one of the best pieces of advice she gave me was to always notice how someone treats service people (waiters, cashiers, customer service, etc).  If they are rude to others, they will be rude to you.

It doesn't take much to not be rude...common sense and some humanity will generally serve you quite well.  I would love to know what goes on in the minds of these self-righteous, over-entitled jackasses who think the world owes them something...because if your mommy didn't love you or you secretly hate yourself...that's your own problem, except that now, everyone else hates you too.

Now, not to be rude...but I'm excusing myself to go finish this beer with or without this stupid 'vented can' feature....seriously, how is this supposed to work??...sigh.

Commandments of Transit and the 7 Deadly Sins of Commuting

Anyone who knows me had to know that this subject was going to come up soon.  I spend a lot of time commuting on public transit, and I mean a lot…like…too much.  I use 2 transit systems to get to and from work as well as a third when I have to visit family…so I am quite well versed in the transit of the GTA.  Subways, buses, east/west, north/south, I take them all.  As such, I see a lot of people in a day, different types of people from every walk of life (except the rich who can afford cars).  Given that I see so many people, no matter how different they may seem, many seem to be prone to committing the same common infractions of transit users that I truly believe should be inscribed on a stone tablet upon a mountain as the “Commandments of Transit”.  I have, so far, devised what shall henceforth be known as the 7 Deadly Sins of Commuting:

1. Thou shalt let people off first- letting people get off the bus/subway before you shove yourself in is pretty basic. The bus driver can see you and isn't going to just leave you there.  The subway stops are designed to allow for the general flow of traffic at the station to get off and then on in that order. Violating this commandment does allow me to shoulder-check you out of the way.

2. Thou shalt not bring thy bicycle onto transit vehicles- You are a douchebag if you bring your bicycle into the subway or onto the bus.  Especially is you bring it into the bus because most TTC buses have racks on the outside meant for them.  You are bringing a mode of transportation onto another form of transportation, so you're both a douchebag and superfluous.  Those things take up so much room, and why? Because you couldn't bike the whole way? Then don't take your bike you damn hippie!

3. Thou shalt mind thy bags- Did you pay two fares? No? Then you don't get two seats, move your freakin' bags.  If you are blocking the seats with your shopping bags and you roll your eyes at me when I ask to sit down and make you move your oh-so-precious bags...I will pick them up and beat you over the head with them.  If you bring a thousand bags onto the bus or subway (especially during rush hour), you either need to take a cab or re-think your shopping strategies.

4. Thou shalt give up your seat- God help you if I see you not give your seat to a person in need! If you are sitting down and someone who needs a seat is standing near you (handicapped, disabled, pregnant, elderly etc.) then you are the worst kind of person.  I declare every right to yank you out of your seat by the scruff of your hair and toss you out of the moving vehicle.  I don't care if you're tired, if your feet hurt etc...get the hell out of that seat when someone needs it more than you do.

5. Thou shalt not talk to the driver-  Need directions? Google them. If you want to double check that the bus or subway is going the direction that you need, fine, ask away, but do not proceed to then ask them how to complete your entire transit adventure...look it up before you get on.  I don't need to be stuck at a stop because your stupid ass cannot figure out that Bay is west of Yonge or that you need to change buses somewhere.  The driver also does not want to hear about your day, your friend who worked on a bus or anything other than the sound of you not speaking...just let them do their jobs in peace.

6. Thou shalt not sit next to me- The general rule is that you should not sit next to someone unless it is unavoidable.  If there is a spot where you can sit and not be next to anyone, that is the spot you take.  I don't want someone next to me if at all possible, so if I am sitting alone in a two seater and there is another empty two seater...do not come sit next to me...that is like taking the urinal beside another man, you just don't do it.  If the bus/subway is busy, then fine, sit, but stay on your side, don't talk to me and if you start being noisy in anyway, I will jab you with my elbow into your ribcage.

7. Thou shalt shut the hell up- This is simple...be quiet.  If you yammer away on your cellphone on a bus, or chat incessantly with your friend(s) on the bus/subway, you need to know that every person around you wants to rip out your vocal chords.  

Now go forth and spread this gospel.