Words You Are Using Incorrectly

I've previously attempted to assist with the common grammatical crimes of your/you're and their/they're/there; so today I will focus on some other offenses oft committed but perhaps overlooked.

Words you are using wrong:

Selfie.  This is really only used incorrectly by people over the age of 50.  These people seem to think that a selfie is any photo taken on a mobile device.  A selfie is a photo you take of yourself, it's a self taken photo of one's self....hence selfie.  I cannot tell you how many times I've heard someone say "She got a selfie of him with her phone"....that's not possible- you cannot take a selfie of someone other than yourself.

Literally.  No, you did not literally die when you heard big news.  You are not literally incapable of handling the situation.  If you had done either of these, you'd either be physically dead or mentally insane; which you aren't, you're just a twat who doesn't know what 'literally' means.  What you want is the word 'figurative' if anything.

Awesome.  This means to inspire awe, actual awe; a feeling of such breathtaking a mind wrenching incomprehension and subjugation that you are taken to the brink of sanity by what you are experiencing and are reduced to your most basic animal mental state by the information.  So, is the sandwich you said was awesome really that good?  I doubt it.

Feminist- this is any person who believes that women deserve equal rights, pay, treatment to men.  That's it.  This can refer to a man or a woman who hold his belief.  This does not only refer to butch lesbians, to misandry spewing man-haters, to women who need to get laid, it refers to all people who believe in fighting discrimination based on sex.  We fight against stereotyping other groups such as all right-wingers are hillbilly bible-thumpers, all left-wingers are hippy drug addicts and all Americans are racist etc.  Yes, these extremes exist, but don't let the few bad apples sour the whole bunch.  The word you are looking for instead is 'feminazi'- the extremists of the group who are just the worst.

GIF vs JIF- The short form stands for 'graphic interchange format'. The word 'graphic' has a guttural 'gu' sound, not a hard 'j' or 'ʤ' sound as per phonetics.  The letter 'g' is pronounced differently based on the vowel that proceeds it; if it is followed by an 'i' or and 'e', then it takes on the 'j' or 'ʤ' sound; if it is proceeded by an 'a' and 'o' or a 'u', then it it pronounces as the softened 'gu' sound.  The exception to this is for Germanic words such as 'gift' and 'geese'.  Therefore, a Roman based language would say "Jif" and a Germanic  would pronounce is "Gif" with a soft 'g'.  As English is a combination of both....this means they are both right and both wrong and that there is no right answer.  Stop debating this online, it doesn't matter, look at cat videos like a normal person.


I'm sure one of these days one of my language professors will stumble across my language rants and will immediately have my degree revoked...but until then, keep reading!

Wurd!

It's Black Friday in the US, which means that it's a time where people go a little crazy and maybe get a bit stressed out.  Why not take a load off and learn some new vocabulary:


Snackle- verb. (Snak-el) To settle for a snack you don't really want but you're too lazy to get anything else.  I snackle on bananas a lot because they're easy and involve no cooking.

Santa-ist- noun. (San-tah-isst) A person who is overly enthusiastic about Christmas.  These people often have overly elaborate decorations and wear ugly Christmas sweaters non-ironically.

Waking up on the wrong side of the dick- verb. A crankier version of waking up on the wrong side of the bed.

Amazish- adjective. (ah-maiz-ish) When something makes you really happy but you don't really care all that much- eg. When you hear that they're doing a reboot of a cartoon you loved as a kid...it's great...but it doesn't really affect you.

Words to yo' Motha

As it was Mother's Day yesterday, I will do what my mom did when she gave birth to me...I will unleash a terror on the world!!  The terrible boredom of more new words!!!


Waifchella (wayf-chel-lah) adj. The current fashion trend of making every girl look like she's trying to be a hippie at Coachella, but the clothing is only cute if you have the body fat levels of a stick of organic celery.

DDnied (Dub-bull Dee Nye-d) verb. Being unable to purchase certain items of clothing due to an overabundance of boob.

Stuperstar (Stoop-ur Sta-ahr) noun. When you do something that, at first, seems incredibly dumb, but turns out well in the end.  Example: dropping your phone in public but having it picked up by the cute guy/girl and starting a conversation.

Mother of Drag-ons (Muthur of Drag-gons) noun. When you call your mom for something quick but she ends up talking your ear off for 2 hours, no matter how many time you try to end the conversation.

Canadian Thermometer (Can-ay-dee-an Thur-mom-etter) noun.  When you go outside in winter with wet hair and it turns to icilcles.

Vegantologist (Vee-ghan-tall-ah-jist) noun. Vegans who are way too obsessed with being vegan and are always trying to convert everyone else.

Word up!

Productired (Pro-duck-tie-rd) adj. When you're extra tired in the morning at work, s much so that you don't socialize or get up, therefore getting a lot more work done than usual.  Simply, being too tired to procrastinate

Aquaholic (Ah-qwa-hall-ick) noun. That person who, no matter, the problem, tells you to drink lots of water.  For everything from a headache to brain tumors, "drink more water".

Crankapotamus (Kraynk-ha-pott-a-muss) noun. When you're having a bad PMS day, so you try relaxing in a hot bath but you just sit in there all grumpy, half submerged and bloated.

The Giuseppe Curl (Juice-eppy kurl) noun. the Italian version of the Gerry Curl.  That overly gelled curly half-mullet that looks like they dyed Mr.Noodles and made a wig out of it.

Bimbi (Bim-bee) noun. A bimbo whose high heels are making her walk like a baby deer.

Adding to the Dictionary

New year, new post, new words...it's all coming up Milhouse!!!

Purrcour- noun/verb (Purr-koor)- When the cat starts running around bouncing off the walls and furniture for no reason.

Playing hide and sneak - verb- Hiding junk food away from reach to avoid eating it all but then sneaking back to that spot every few minutes to eat more.

A Staff Infection- noun (Stahff in-fek-shiun)- when that jerk coworker comes in with a cold and gets the whole office sick.

Jiggiggling - verb (Dzi-gig-lling)- when a fat person laughs really animatedly and they begin to look like a lava lamp.  (example: me when watching cat videos)

Famish adj. (Fay-mish)- Someone who is kinda famous but not really.  The sort of person you recognize from things...but you never remember from what or what their name is.