I've previously attempted to assist with the common grammatical crimes of your/you're and their/they're/there; so today I will focus on some other offenses oft committed but perhaps overlooked.
Words you are using wrong:
Selfie. This is really only used incorrectly by people over the age of 50. These people seem to think that a selfie is any photo taken on a mobile device. A selfie is a photo you take of yourself, it's a self taken photo of one's self....hence selfie. I cannot tell you how many times I've heard someone say "She got a selfie of him with her phone"....that's not possible- you cannot take a selfie of someone other than yourself.
Literally. No, you did not literally die when you heard big news. You are not literally incapable of handling the situation. If you had done either of these, you'd either be physically dead or mentally insane; which you aren't, you're just a twat who doesn't know what 'literally' means. What you want is the word 'figurative' if anything.
Awesome. This means to inspire awe, actual awe; a feeling of such breathtaking a mind wrenching incomprehension and subjugation that you are taken to the brink of sanity by what you are experiencing and are reduced to your most basic animal mental state by the information. So, is the sandwich you said was awesome really that good? I doubt it.
Feminist- this is any person who believes that women deserve equal rights, pay, treatment to men. That's it. This can refer to a man or a woman who hold his belief. This does not only refer to butch lesbians, to misandry spewing man-haters, to women who need to get laid, it refers to all people who believe in fighting discrimination based on sex. We fight against stereotyping other groups such as all right-wingers are hillbilly bible-thumpers, all left-wingers are hippy drug addicts and all Americans are racist etc. Yes, these extremes exist, but don't let the few bad apples sour the whole bunch. The word you are looking for instead is 'feminazi'- the extremists of the group who are just the worst.
GIF vs JIF- The short form stands for 'graphic interchange format'. The word 'graphic' has a guttural 'gu' sound, not a hard 'j' or 'ʤ' sound as per phonetics. The letter 'g' is pronounced differently based on the vowel that proceeds it; if it is followed by an 'i' or and 'e', then it takes on the 'j' or 'ʤ' sound; if it is proceeded by an 'a' and 'o' or a 'u', then it it pronounces as the softened 'gu' sound. The exception to this is for Germanic words such as 'gift' and 'geese'. Therefore, a Roman based language would say "Jif" and a Germanic would pronounce is "Gif" with a soft 'g'. As English is a combination of both....this means they are both right and both wrong and that there is no right answer. Stop debating this online, it doesn't matter, look at cat videos like a normal person.
I'm sure one of these days one of my language professors will stumble across my language rants and will immediately have my degree revoked...but until then, keep reading!
White Girl Blogging
Showing posts with label lists. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lists. Show all posts
Thursday, 19 January 2017
Friday, 28 October 2016
More Shit I shouldn't have to explain
Ok, so there are some basic life rules that some people just never got the message about. If you are guilty of any of the following, please a) stop it and b) talk yourself out of the gene pool.
Stopping in the middle of a sidewalk or hallway will get you shoved out of the way. Move to the side if you've stopped to check your phone, you're lost or you just want to look at something. If you are stationary in a place that is obstructive, do not be surprised when someone gets upset or, like me, hip checks your stupid ass out of the way.
Not everyone works Monday to Friday 9-5 or works night shifts etc, Therefore, when you're out in public or at home having a loud and raucous time, there is a good chance you're ruining someone's rest. This is the basic principle of not being a dick. Not everyone lives your lifestyle, so don't impose yours on others. If a neighbour asks you to turn your music down at 9pm, they aren't necessarily just a jerk, maybe they work the graveyard shift and you're ruining their sleep.
Being a parent doesn't make you a better or worse person than other people. Just because you have kids and I don't, do not act like you're better than me. The world is overpopulated and all you did was make it worse. On the flip side, just because I didn't have kids, I am not better or smarter than you and if I start acting like you are dumb for having kids, smack me.
Driver picks the music. As the shotgun position passenger, you are the driver's assistant, you do not make the choices. If you are sitting in the backseat, you have no say in anything at all- not even bathroom stops. You sit there and shut up and help the driver.
Do not post all of your issues on social networking. Nobody needs to know every intimate detail of your life. If I needed to know that much detail about you, we'd hang out more rather than be passing acquaintances on a website. Picture, general stuff etc is fine, but I really don't care that you just woke up, what kind of sandwich you had or every relationship detail between you and the latest love of your life for the month.
Low crotch jeans make you look stupid. I don't care if they are fashionable, they make you look like you crapped in your pants. I will not take anything you say seriously while I'm busy wondering if you don't know how to dress yourself or if you've suffered a sporadic rectal prolapse and that's why your crotch is between your knees.
Left-wing people hate being associated with SJW's and feminazis just like right-wing people hate being associated with the Klan and Trump. Extremists of anything give the rest a bad name. Not all lefties are pothead hippies who think everything is offensive and think everyone should live on a commune. Not all right wingers are racist homophobes who sleep with their sisters and have 4 teeth. Stop assuming everyone is a worst case scenario.
Stopping in the middle of a sidewalk or hallway will get you shoved out of the way. Move to the side if you've stopped to check your phone, you're lost or you just want to look at something. If you are stationary in a place that is obstructive, do not be surprised when someone gets upset or, like me, hip checks your stupid ass out of the way.
Not everyone works Monday to Friday 9-5 or works night shifts etc, Therefore, when you're out in public or at home having a loud and raucous time, there is a good chance you're ruining someone's rest. This is the basic principle of not being a dick. Not everyone lives your lifestyle, so don't impose yours on others. If a neighbour asks you to turn your music down at 9pm, they aren't necessarily just a jerk, maybe they work the graveyard shift and you're ruining their sleep.
Being a parent doesn't make you a better or worse person than other people. Just because you have kids and I don't, do not act like you're better than me. The world is overpopulated and all you did was make it worse. On the flip side, just because I didn't have kids, I am not better or smarter than you and if I start acting like you are dumb for having kids, smack me.
Driver picks the music. As the shotgun position passenger, you are the driver's assistant, you do not make the choices. If you are sitting in the backseat, you have no say in anything at all- not even bathroom stops. You sit there and shut up and help the driver.
Do not post all of your issues on social networking. Nobody needs to know every intimate detail of your life. If I needed to know that much detail about you, we'd hang out more rather than be passing acquaintances on a website. Picture, general stuff etc is fine, but I really don't care that you just woke up, what kind of sandwich you had or every relationship detail between you and the latest love of your life for the month.
Low crotch jeans make you look stupid. I don't care if they are fashionable, they make you look like you crapped in your pants. I will not take anything you say seriously while I'm busy wondering if you don't know how to dress yourself or if you've suffered a sporadic rectal prolapse and that's why your crotch is between your knees.
Left-wing people hate being associated with SJW's and feminazis just like right-wing people hate being associated with the Klan and Trump. Extremists of anything give the rest a bad name. Not all lefties are pothead hippies who think everything is offensive and think everyone should live on a commune. Not all right wingers are racist homophobes who sleep with their sisters and have 4 teeth. Stop assuming everyone is a worst case scenario.
Friday, 27 March 2015
Good Advice
"Don't Touch -Willie"....good advice!
Everyone always has advice to give on everything; friends, family, magazines, tv shows, complete strangers etc. The problem is that we're usually offered so much of it that it's hard to know what to listen to. The obvious person you should be listening to is me...I am amazing.
I've been given a ton of advice about everything in life, some I'm very glad I've listen to, some I wish I hadn't and some I'm really glad I didn't. To the friend who advised me at age 24 that I should have a baby because it was fun...ya...you maybe should refrain from sharing your advice. To the person who advised me that lending money to a deadbeat ex-bf was a bad idea...wish I'd listened to you.
These days I take most of my advice from Liz Lemon "Put potato chips on a sandwich", but I felt it prudent to share some nuggets of wisdom I've received or learned over the years from various sources...what I would consider to be amongst the best advice I can give.
1. Live Alone. Not forever...but do it at some point in your life. I lived with two boyfriends after moving out of my parents house. I technically had my own place briefly but I spent almost no time alone there. Living alone teaches you how to become a more complete person, how to solve your own problems, how to live with yourself and be independent.
2. Watch how someone treats service people. If they are rude to the waitress or the cashier, what does that tell you about someone? It shows a lack of respect for people and shows selfishness. I had an ex who used to be foul to waitresses and it embarrassed me...it wasn't long before he began to treat me the same way.
3. Comfortable shoes are never unfashionable. Seriously, having sore feet can ruin any day or occasion. Always have comfy shoes on hand because there is nothing sexy about high heels when you're walking like you just had the world's largest enema.
4. Wait 24 hours before sending an angry message. We all say things in the heat of the moment that we wish we could take back...so why risk it?
5. Never go to bed angry. This can be so hard because sometimes you're just so angry or so upset, but it's worth it. Waking up still angry will put a damper on your entire day, you're letting the negativity consume you and eat at you and the resentment only builds. Just deal with it now...trust me.
6. Wait to get married. Why are people in their 20's in such a rush to get married? I watched so many friends marry the wrong person just because they HAD to get married or else they thought their world would end. If you love them and want to be together, then that's what matters...make sure you know. Otherwise, maybe you're just doing this for the wedding and not for the marriage.
7. Don't lend money to people you know. This never ends well. If it's for life-saving surgery, ok, fine, but otherwise, do not risk it. One person will end up getting screwed somehow, even if you pay them back immediately...it will haunt you both.
8. Drink more water. There is no downside to this...just do it. It helps your digestion, your skin, your appetite control, your blood sugar, your weight...and it's the best habit you'll start.
9. Send me money. How did this get in the list? Silly me....but seriously, do it.
10. Have a hobby...like me...I write blog posts nobody reads or cares about...but I do it because I enjoy it as an outlet. It keeps me from venting at strangers on the street again.
Now my advice is to stop dicking around on the internet and do something productive...like watching Netflix.
Everyone always has advice to give on everything; friends, family, magazines, tv shows, complete strangers etc. The problem is that we're usually offered so much of it that it's hard to know what to listen to. The obvious person you should be listening to is me...I am amazing.
I've been given a ton of advice about everything in life, some I'm very glad I've listen to, some I wish I hadn't and some I'm really glad I didn't. To the friend who advised me at age 24 that I should have a baby because it was fun...ya...you maybe should refrain from sharing your advice. To the person who advised me that lending money to a deadbeat ex-bf was a bad idea...wish I'd listened to you.
These days I take most of my advice from Liz Lemon "Put potato chips on a sandwich", but I felt it prudent to share some nuggets of wisdom I've received or learned over the years from various sources...what I would consider to be amongst the best advice I can give.
1. Live Alone. Not forever...but do it at some point in your life. I lived with two boyfriends after moving out of my parents house. I technically had my own place briefly but I spent almost no time alone there. Living alone teaches you how to become a more complete person, how to solve your own problems, how to live with yourself and be independent.
2. Watch how someone treats service people. If they are rude to the waitress or the cashier, what does that tell you about someone? It shows a lack of respect for people and shows selfishness. I had an ex who used to be foul to waitresses and it embarrassed me...it wasn't long before he began to treat me the same way.
3. Comfortable shoes are never unfashionable. Seriously, having sore feet can ruin any day or occasion. Always have comfy shoes on hand because there is nothing sexy about high heels when you're walking like you just had the world's largest enema.
4. Wait 24 hours before sending an angry message. We all say things in the heat of the moment that we wish we could take back...so why risk it?
5. Never go to bed angry. This can be so hard because sometimes you're just so angry or so upset, but it's worth it. Waking up still angry will put a damper on your entire day, you're letting the negativity consume you and eat at you and the resentment only builds. Just deal with it now...trust me.
6. Wait to get married. Why are people in their 20's in such a rush to get married? I watched so many friends marry the wrong person just because they HAD to get married or else they thought their world would end. If you love them and want to be together, then that's what matters...make sure you know. Otherwise, maybe you're just doing this for the wedding and not for the marriage.
7. Don't lend money to people you know. This never ends well. If it's for life-saving surgery, ok, fine, but otherwise, do not risk it. One person will end up getting screwed somehow, even if you pay them back immediately...it will haunt you both.
8. Drink more water. There is no downside to this...just do it. It helps your digestion, your skin, your appetite control, your blood sugar, your weight...and it's the best habit you'll start.
9. Send me money. How did this get in the list? Silly me....but seriously, do it.
10. Have a hobby...like me...I write blog posts nobody reads or cares about...but I do it because I enjoy it as an outlet. It keeps me from venting at strangers on the street again.
Now my advice is to stop dicking around on the internet and do something productive...like watching Netflix.
Thursday, 26 February 2015
Another batch of people who need to go away
In the spirit of the frigid season, I've taken a look back and found that I have discovered more people who simply need to go away. As I add and add to the list, I can't help but get the feeling that eventually I will have told everyone on Earth to go away, leaving only myself, Robert Downey Jr and Tom Hiddleston....my plan is working.
More people who need to simply go away:
People who stop in the middle of hallways to chat, check their phone or figure out where they're going.
People who have a problem with a black stormtrooper
Anyone...ANYONE who gets offended by Christmas.....I will stab you with the scissors I use to cut Santa Claus wrapping paper
The 2015 PanAm games....nobody cares.
Parents who post incessant photos of their horrendously ugly babies online.
Jian Gomeshi, if he likes non-consensual rough sex, just wait until prison!
Strombo...you know music...but stay the hell away from hockey.
Bill Cosby...Thanks for scarring my childhood, asshole!!!!!!
Giggling freshmen girls.....grrrrrr
Anyone who is in IKEA at the same time as me
Friends who constantly ask for your advise but never take it
The person/machine who picks the lotto numbers...boo-urns!
Anyone or anything that causes me to have to take off my onesie on a weekend morning
People who name their kids weird names...they have to live with that name .
Rich people who don't randomly want to give me money....what's up with that?
My fat cells....seriously.
Teenagers..I've mentioned them before but I really can't stress enough just how much I hate them.
People who call your work phone at 4:58pm
People who only answer text messages when they need something
Anyone who doesn't hold the door for the person behind them...it takes half a second.
Whoever agreed to allow such a huge break between seasons 3 and 4 of Sherlock.
That one friend who never plans ahead and then always expects everyone else to cover their ass
Those friends and family members who became unbearable as soon as they had kids
People who harp on me for not liking sushi...I don't want your disgusting fish and seaweed pieces of satan's taint thank you!
This winter...seriously, warm up dammit!
More people who need to simply go away:
People who stop in the middle of hallways to chat, check their phone or figure out where they're going.
People who have a problem with a black stormtrooper
Anyone...ANYONE who gets offended by Christmas.....I will stab you with the scissors I use to cut Santa Claus wrapping paper
The 2015 PanAm games....nobody cares.
Parents who post incessant photos of their horrendously ugly babies online.
Jian Gomeshi, if he likes non-consensual rough sex, just wait until prison!
Strombo...you know music...but stay the hell away from hockey.
Bill Cosby...Thanks for scarring my childhood, asshole!!!!!!
Giggling freshmen girls.....grrrrrr
Anyone who is in IKEA at the same time as me
Friends who constantly ask for your advise but never take it
The person/machine who picks the lotto numbers...boo-urns!
Anyone or anything that causes me to have to take off my onesie on a weekend morning
People who name their kids weird names...they have to live with that name .
Rich people who don't randomly want to give me money....what's up with that?
My fat cells....seriously.
Teenagers..I've mentioned them before but I really can't stress enough just how much I hate them.
People who call your work phone at 4:58pm
People who only answer text messages when they need something
Anyone who doesn't hold the door for the person behind them...it takes half a second.
Whoever agreed to allow such a huge break between seasons 3 and 4 of Sherlock.
That one friend who never plans ahead and then always expects everyone else to cover their ass
Those friends and family members who became unbearable as soon as they had kids
People who harp on me for not liking sushi...I don't want your disgusting fish and seaweed pieces of satan's taint thank you!
This winter...seriously, warm up dammit!
Tuesday, 15 October 2013
29 Signs you might be a douchebag
Do douchebags know that they're douchebags? It causes me pain to think that people cannot tell the difference between cool and douchy when it's staring them in the face wearing douchebag Raybans. I have listed some signs you may want to reflect upon and ask yourself if you are indeed, a douchebag...this applies to women too.
Signs you may be a douchebag:
- You pop your collar
- You genuinely use the word 'bro'
- You have ever played a guitar with your shirt off
- You wear a wool hat when it's 25 degrees out
- You tell every single person you meet that you're into vegan and/or gluten-free
- You wear sunglasses indoors
- You only drink Starbucks coffee
- You wear hipster sneakers but they're still in mint condition
- You drink to get drunk
- Your only topic of conversation is you.
- You're loud in public to try to seem like you're 'wild' and having fun
- You park in a handicapped space without needing it
- When hanging out with people, you spend the whole time on your phone
- You constantly cancel and flake on plans, especially at the last minute
- You're always into new 'cleanses'
- You post 'inspirational' crap online
- You post general 'I'm so thankful' or 'You are Awesome' on Facebook
- You don't BYOB
- You sign the card but didn't contribute for the gift
- You always have an excuse
- You can't laugh at yourself
- You act 'too cool' for anything and everything
- You didn't spray your cologne/perfume on so as much as you marinated in it
- You make everyone else change their plans to accommodate you
- You don't like animals
- You post online about your workouts
- You wear more gold jewelery than the Pharaohs of old
- Your car is almost as loud as the horrible music you're playing out of it
- You think being a 'nice guy' is lame
Ok, this is all I can think of for now...feel free to add your own...so many douchebags..so little time...so little Nerf bats to beat them with.
Signs you may be a douchebag:
- You pop your collar
- You genuinely use the word 'bro'
- You have ever played a guitar with your shirt off
- You wear a wool hat when it's 25 degrees out
- You tell every single person you meet that you're into vegan and/or gluten-free
- You wear sunglasses indoors
- You only drink Starbucks coffee
- You wear hipster sneakers but they're still in mint condition
- You drink to get drunk
- Your only topic of conversation is you.
- You're loud in public to try to seem like you're 'wild' and having fun
- You park in a handicapped space without needing it
- When hanging out with people, you spend the whole time on your phone
- You constantly cancel and flake on plans, especially at the last minute
- You're always into new 'cleanses'
- You post 'inspirational' crap online
- You post general 'I'm so thankful' or 'You are Awesome' on Facebook
- You don't BYOB
- You sign the card but didn't contribute for the gift
- You always have an excuse
- You can't laugh at yourself
- You act 'too cool' for anything and everything
- You didn't spray your cologne/perfume on so as much as you marinated in it
- You make everyone else change their plans to accommodate you
- You don't like animals
- You post online about your workouts
- You wear more gold jewelery than the Pharaohs of old
- Your car is almost as loud as the horrible music you're playing out of it
- You think being a 'nice guy' is lame
Ok, this is all I can think of for now...feel free to add your own...so many douchebags..so little time...so little Nerf bats to beat them with.
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