I stopped blogging for just over a year. At first I thought that, after Cheeto Hitler took office, that nothing I could complain about in my blog could be as bad as the new reality was. It wasn't until many moons later, near the end of the year, that I realized it was really because my old companion had dropped in for a stay, a much longer stay than I had anticipated.
I had stopped going to yoga, I had stopped following my diet. I had stopped doing nice things for myself like buying clothing, getting my hair or nails done or treating myself in any way but with comfort food. The pounds started adding on and I felt worse and worse....which made me treat myself worse and worse. So, now I'm here again. A place I've been many times before and really both loathe and like. I'm at that fork in the road where I either go back to being the obese, depressed, anxiety ridden version of me that ruled most of my youth or it's where I slap myself in the face and get shit done.
There a lot of things to wrestle with at this point- acknowledging the problem is the first step, but it's not the last one. I talked to my doctor- something I used to be hesitant about because I figured it was all my fault and something only I could manage. Ya, that's complete BS; that's the depression talking. I don't know how that little bastard keeps getting the key to my brain, but it sneaks in, moves in and then tries to control everything. Depression is like the world's worst roommate. This time, instead of just depression moving in, he brought his friend anxiety, a friend I'd met before but he'd never really stayed for a long time. This time, these mental bros-from-hell came as a duo, so I figured I needed to ask the professionals for some upgraded weaponry.
So now there's new medication in my ritual, which is an oh-so-fun process. As bad as I feel in my own head, I feel more sorry for the husband who has to live with me....a woman is generally crazy enough, now deal with one who is in the process of trying to align her brain chemicals.
It's also day 5 of trying to eat better once again, a process I need to ease into. When you're depressed and occasionally convinced you are either about to die or at least deserve to, carbs are very comforting. A cake has never told me anything negative and no cookie has ever made me feel ugly.
Now I'm lucky that I have an incredible support system around me. My husband is simply the best human being I've ever met. My family also have these same struggles, so we are like our own little support group. I have some great friends who have been to hell and back with me and I with them. Without these people, I'd probably look like Jabba the Hut and be alongside those guys on Queen Street who yell at bees for no reason. The fact is, I am depressed and anxious and trying to piece things back together....but I am also happy. I have a great family, friends, job, etc. I like my life, just...not the depressed part.
I think the reason a lot of people don't talk about depression and anxiety is that people on the outside often react with 'what so you have to be sad about' or ask 'why are you sad'. That's like asking me why I have brown eyes or why do I like the taste of peanut butter. I just do. That's how I'm built. Yes, I'm sure you think I should exercise more, eat more kale, get a dog, get a fitbit, go skydiving, travel to Asia...etc and I will feel better. Depression is not an injury. No quick fix and it's gone. It is a chemical imbalance within your brain, and every brain is different. You have to find a lifestyle and a mix of remedies that suits you. So go ahead and tell me that I need to 'get out of my shell' and 'just get out more' however I will casually reply by asking you to please change your eye colour....because that's how it feels. I'd love to see the conversation change from "What is wrong with you?" to "Are you OK?".
Sure, studies have found that exercise can help with depression. Smoking is bad for you but do you think smokers thank you when you tell them that? Yes, we know. It's not that we don't want to. Just because you can't see or haven't experienced the mental disability keeping us from hitting the gym, going for a walk or even leaving the house doesn't mean it isn't there. Encourage us to get there, but don't tell us to do it as if it's solving the problem. We will go when we're damned well ready.
Yes, I am rambling and not following a very cohesive train of thought, it's my blog and I do what I want. This entire blog is basically just me pep talking myself, and if that's the weirdest thing I do today, I'll consider it a good day.
I'm trying to recognize the good, the pieces big and small of my life that the depression hasn't stained. I'm taking each day for what it is, some are good and some are bad. Today the sun is out, it is a Friday and I can go home later on, sit in my rocking chair and read a book while my cat plays with her tail at my feet. In 10 minutes, I may have an anxiety attack that makes me feel like my life is falling apart and send me into a sobbing ball of sad...so I'm going to hug my happy thought while it's here.
If you've ever wondered what an anxiety attack is like, I would liken it to season 2 of Stranger Things, when Will is out with his friends, having fun, but then gets flashes of being in the Upside Down and he's suddenly stuck in a terrifying other world for no reason....kinda like that.
I wish nobody ever had to be depressed, or if they did, that there was a magic pill to make it all go away. It's not fun, it's not easy and you can lose a lot of time, energy and friends to it.
Also, I should warn you, I don't have a conclusion or an ending to this post. Wubba Lubba Dub Dub.
White Girl Blogging
Friday, 23 March 2018
Wednesday, 15 March 2017
ME WORD GOOD!
Guess what! More words!
Don't care? Me neither!
Flabs- (ph-lah-bz) noun. plural. A pudgy stomach; where you have flab instead of abs.
Vag of Honour (Vajj of Aw-Nur) noun. When a woman is proud of her sexual accomplishments. Example: I slept with a young gorgeous man last night and I'm wearing that like a vag of honour.
To Lose your Furginity (Furr-jin-itti) verb. When you get your first pet as an adult living on your own.
Cinnabod (syn-nah-bodd) noun. When you get so fat that you start looking like the Cinnabun's you've been eating.
Fwerk- (Ffwurk)- verb. To fake work when your boss passes by so they don't know you were goofing off.
Don't care? Me neither!
Flabs- (ph-lah-bz) noun. plural. A pudgy stomach; where you have flab instead of abs.
Vag of Honour (Vajj of Aw-Nur) noun. When a woman is proud of her sexual accomplishments. Example: I slept with a young gorgeous man last night and I'm wearing that like a vag of honour.
To Lose your Furginity (Furr-jin-itti) verb. When you get your first pet as an adult living on your own.
Cinnabod (syn-nah-bodd) noun. When you get so fat that you start looking like the Cinnabun's you've been eating.
Fwerk- (Ffwurk)- verb. To fake work when your boss passes by so they don't know you were goofing off.
Friday, 3 March 2017
Food Crimes
We all eat, some of us more than others, but we all eat food. There is a massive variety of foods available in all parts of the world and infinite ways to prepare, serve and prepare all different types of food. As such, this means that there are ones that you, as an individual, like and some that you don't like and others may agree with you on some of those opinions and people who disagree with you.
I grew up a picky eater who disliked a ton of foods and ate only a select few (most of these were purchased from McDonald's); however as I have grown older, I have expanded my horizons (and my pant size). Despite being more open to a lot of foods, there are still some things I still simple can not abide.
The following food crimes shall be punishable by death once I take over the world (it will happen, and you will all thank me)
- Ketchup on KD. You are a monster. Why would you want runny sweetness mixed in with the creamy fake-cheese?? KD is perfect, don't ruin it
- Plain chips...seriously? Ok with dip but people who just eat plain chips without anything...I don't trust them- they are probably serial killers
- French Toast- soaking bread in egg is just weird, you are weird....stop being weird!!
- Mustard- Satan's condiment.... I don't care that most people like this- I will cut you over this.
- Melons...other than watermelon, there is simply no need- melons only exist so that restaurants can screw you out of giving you extra delicious bacon by filling up your plate with these fruit-bominations
- Putting anything on poutine- poutine is perfect, why would you mess with perfection?! It doesn't need your stupid pork, your heathen ketchup or your sacrilegious taco toppings, be gone!
- Olives. I don't care, they are only good for oil and you can bite my shiny metal ass on this one.
- Tomato Soup- this is just failed pasta sauce, you are not wanted!
- Anything from Arby's....seriously, if you go to Arby's, you'd be better off eating the wrappings than the "food" inside.
- Canned peas- literally the worst thing to ever exist,...literally.
- Putting anything in pancakes- leave them alone, it's already light fluffy and delicious. don't mess with that batter! You can out syrup, jam, peanut butter or a heap of cocaine on them once they're made, that's fine....but don't add to the batter!!
- Hawaiian pizza- it's like putting flame decals on a 1969 Corvette...do not desecrate such a beautiful being with your filth.
- Oatmeal Raisin cookies...they look like nice regular chocolate chip cookies but they're not...they're lies!!
- Black Licorice....sorry dad, but it's just wrong, it tastes like someone burned regular licorice and then put it back in the package.
- Well-done steak....you make me sick if you get anything over medium. Did you know that restaurants will give you a worse cut of meat the more well-done you get your steak? That's because they hate you like I do, you've ruined a good piece of meat!
- Carrot muffins- they tried to sell carrots as a dessert food during the war due to a sugar shortage...well the war is over an we can stop pretending that carrots belong in the 'sweet' category get them out of my desserts!
Ok, so there are more foods that I don't like to eat, but I left them off the list because I can respect their existence; for example all seafood. While I may hate it, I respect it's right to exist and can understand why other like it. The ones I have named above, however, will be destroyed when my glorious revolution takes over.
Bonne Appetit comrades.
I grew up a picky eater who disliked a ton of foods and ate only a select few (most of these were purchased from McDonald's); however as I have grown older, I have expanded my horizons (and my pant size). Despite being more open to a lot of foods, there are still some things I still simple can not abide.
The following food crimes shall be punishable by death once I take over the world (it will happen, and you will all thank me)
- Ketchup on KD. You are a monster. Why would you want runny sweetness mixed in with the creamy fake-cheese?? KD is perfect, don't ruin it
- Plain chips...seriously? Ok with dip but people who just eat plain chips without anything...I don't trust them- they are probably serial killers
- French Toast- soaking bread in egg is just weird, you are weird....stop being weird!!
- Mustard- Satan's condiment.... I don't care that most people like this- I will cut you over this.
- Melons...other than watermelon, there is simply no need- melons only exist so that restaurants can screw you out of giving you extra delicious bacon by filling up your plate with these fruit-bominations
- Putting anything on poutine- poutine is perfect, why would you mess with perfection?! It doesn't need your stupid pork, your heathen ketchup or your sacrilegious taco toppings, be gone!
- Olives. I don't care, they are only good for oil and you can bite my shiny metal ass on this one.
- Tomato Soup- this is just failed pasta sauce, you are not wanted!
- Anything from Arby's....seriously, if you go to Arby's, you'd be better off eating the wrappings than the "food" inside.
- Canned peas- literally the worst thing to ever exist,...literally.
- Putting anything in pancakes- leave them alone, it's already light fluffy and delicious. don't mess with that batter! You can out syrup, jam, peanut butter or a heap of cocaine on them once they're made, that's fine....but don't add to the batter!!
- Hawaiian pizza- it's like putting flame decals on a 1969 Corvette...do not desecrate such a beautiful being with your filth.
- Oatmeal Raisin cookies...they look like nice regular chocolate chip cookies but they're not...they're lies!!
- Black Licorice....sorry dad, but it's just wrong, it tastes like someone burned regular licorice and then put it back in the package.
- Well-done steak....you make me sick if you get anything over medium. Did you know that restaurants will give you a worse cut of meat the more well-done you get your steak? That's because they hate you like I do, you've ruined a good piece of meat!
- Carrot muffins- they tried to sell carrots as a dessert food during the war due to a sugar shortage...well the war is over an we can stop pretending that carrots belong in the 'sweet' category get them out of my desserts!
Ok, so there are more foods that I don't like to eat, but I left them off the list because I can respect their existence; for example all seafood. While I may hate it, I respect it's right to exist and can understand why other like it. The ones I have named above, however, will be destroyed when my glorious revolution takes over.
Bonne Appetit comrades.
Thursday, 19 January 2017
Words You Are Using Incorrectly
I've previously attempted to assist with the common grammatical crimes of your/you're and their/they're/there; so today I will focus on some other offenses oft committed but perhaps overlooked.
Words you are using wrong:
Selfie. This is really only used incorrectly by people over the age of 50. These people seem to think that a selfie is any photo taken on a mobile device. A selfie is a photo you take of yourself, it's a self taken photo of one's self....hence selfie. I cannot tell you how many times I've heard someone say "She got a selfie of him with her phone"....that's not possible- you cannot take a selfie of someone other than yourself.
Literally. No, you did not literally die when you heard big news. You are not literally incapable of handling the situation. If you had done either of these, you'd either be physically dead or mentally insane; which you aren't, you're just a twat who doesn't know what 'literally' means. What you want is the word 'figurative' if anything.
Awesome. This means to inspire awe, actual awe; a feeling of such breathtaking a mind wrenching incomprehension and subjugation that you are taken to the brink of sanity by what you are experiencing and are reduced to your most basic animal mental state by the information. So, is the sandwich you said was awesome really that good? I doubt it.
Feminist- this is any person who believes that women deserve equal rights, pay, treatment to men. That's it. This can refer to a man or a woman who hold his belief. This does not only refer to butch lesbians, to misandry spewing man-haters, to women who need to get laid, it refers to all people who believe in fighting discrimination based on sex. We fight against stereotyping other groups such as all right-wingers are hillbilly bible-thumpers, all left-wingers are hippy drug addicts and all Americans are racist etc. Yes, these extremes exist, but don't let the few bad apples sour the whole bunch. The word you are looking for instead is 'feminazi'- the extremists of the group who are just the worst.
GIF vs JIF- The short form stands for 'graphic interchange format'. The word 'graphic' has a guttural 'gu' sound, not a hard 'j' or 'ʤ' sound as per phonetics. The letter 'g' is pronounced differently based on the vowel that proceeds it; if it is followed by an 'i' or and 'e', then it takes on the 'j' or 'ʤ' sound; if it is proceeded by an 'a' and 'o' or a 'u', then it it pronounces as the softened 'gu' sound. The exception to this is for Germanic words such as 'gift' and 'geese'. Therefore, a Roman based language would say "Jif" and a Germanic would pronounce is "Gif" with a soft 'g'. As English is a combination of both....this means they are both right and both wrong and that there is no right answer. Stop debating this online, it doesn't matter, look at cat videos like a normal person.
I'm sure one of these days one of my language professors will stumble across my language rants and will immediately have my degree revoked...but until then, keep reading!
Words you are using wrong:
Selfie. This is really only used incorrectly by people over the age of 50. These people seem to think that a selfie is any photo taken on a mobile device. A selfie is a photo you take of yourself, it's a self taken photo of one's self....hence selfie. I cannot tell you how many times I've heard someone say "She got a selfie of him with her phone"....that's not possible- you cannot take a selfie of someone other than yourself.
Literally. No, you did not literally die when you heard big news. You are not literally incapable of handling the situation. If you had done either of these, you'd either be physically dead or mentally insane; which you aren't, you're just a twat who doesn't know what 'literally' means. What you want is the word 'figurative' if anything.
Awesome. This means to inspire awe, actual awe; a feeling of such breathtaking a mind wrenching incomprehension and subjugation that you are taken to the brink of sanity by what you are experiencing and are reduced to your most basic animal mental state by the information. So, is the sandwich you said was awesome really that good? I doubt it.
Feminist- this is any person who believes that women deserve equal rights, pay, treatment to men. That's it. This can refer to a man or a woman who hold his belief. This does not only refer to butch lesbians, to misandry spewing man-haters, to women who need to get laid, it refers to all people who believe in fighting discrimination based on sex. We fight against stereotyping other groups such as all right-wingers are hillbilly bible-thumpers, all left-wingers are hippy drug addicts and all Americans are racist etc. Yes, these extremes exist, but don't let the few bad apples sour the whole bunch. The word you are looking for instead is 'feminazi'- the extremists of the group who are just the worst.
GIF vs JIF- The short form stands for 'graphic interchange format'. The word 'graphic' has a guttural 'gu' sound, not a hard 'j' or 'ʤ' sound as per phonetics. The letter 'g' is pronounced differently based on the vowel that proceeds it; if it is followed by an 'i' or and 'e', then it takes on the 'j' or 'ʤ' sound; if it is proceeded by an 'a' and 'o' or a 'u', then it it pronounces as the softened 'gu' sound. The exception to this is for Germanic words such as 'gift' and 'geese'. Therefore, a Roman based language would say "Jif" and a Germanic would pronounce is "Gif" with a soft 'g'. As English is a combination of both....this means they are both right and both wrong and that there is no right answer. Stop debating this online, it doesn't matter, look at cat videos like a normal person.
I'm sure one of these days one of my language professors will stumble across my language rants and will immediately have my degree revoked...but until then, keep reading!
Friday, 25 November 2016
Wurd!
It's Black Friday in the US, which means that it's a time where people go a little crazy and maybe get a bit stressed out. Why not take a load off and learn some new vocabulary:
Snackle- verb. (Snak-el) To settle for a snack you don't really want but you're too lazy to get anything else. I snackle on bananas a lot because they're easy and involve no cooking.
Santa-ist- noun. (San-tah-isst) A person who is overly enthusiastic about Christmas. These people often have overly elaborate decorations and wear ugly Christmas sweaters non-ironically.
Waking up on the wrong side of the dick- verb. A crankier version of waking up on the wrong side of the bed.
Amazish- adjective. (ah-maiz-ish) When something makes you really happy but you don't really care all that much- eg. When you hear that they're doing a reboot of a cartoon you loved as a kid...it's great...but it doesn't really affect you.
Snackle- verb. (Snak-el) To settle for a snack you don't really want but you're too lazy to get anything else. I snackle on bananas a lot because they're easy and involve no cooking.
Santa-ist- noun. (San-tah-isst) A person who is overly enthusiastic about Christmas. These people often have overly elaborate decorations and wear ugly Christmas sweaters non-ironically.
Waking up on the wrong side of the dick- verb. A crankier version of waking up on the wrong side of the bed.
Amazish- adjective. (ah-maiz-ish) When something makes you really happy but you don't really care all that much- eg. When you hear that they're doing a reboot of a cartoon you loved as a kid...it's great...but it doesn't really affect you.
Friday, 28 October 2016
More Shit I shouldn't have to explain
Ok, so there are some basic life rules that some people just never got the message about. If you are guilty of any of the following, please a) stop it and b) talk yourself out of the gene pool.
Stopping in the middle of a sidewalk or hallway will get you shoved out of the way. Move to the side if you've stopped to check your phone, you're lost or you just want to look at something. If you are stationary in a place that is obstructive, do not be surprised when someone gets upset or, like me, hip checks your stupid ass out of the way.
Not everyone works Monday to Friday 9-5 or works night shifts etc, Therefore, when you're out in public or at home having a loud and raucous time, there is a good chance you're ruining someone's rest. This is the basic principle of not being a dick. Not everyone lives your lifestyle, so don't impose yours on others. If a neighbour asks you to turn your music down at 9pm, they aren't necessarily just a jerk, maybe they work the graveyard shift and you're ruining their sleep.
Being a parent doesn't make you a better or worse person than other people. Just because you have kids and I don't, do not act like you're better than me. The world is overpopulated and all you did was make it worse. On the flip side, just because I didn't have kids, I am not better or smarter than you and if I start acting like you are dumb for having kids, smack me.
Driver picks the music. As the shotgun position passenger, you are the driver's assistant, you do not make the choices. If you are sitting in the backseat, you have no say in anything at all- not even bathroom stops. You sit there and shut up and help the driver.
Do not post all of your issues on social networking. Nobody needs to know every intimate detail of your life. If I needed to know that much detail about you, we'd hang out more rather than be passing acquaintances on a website. Picture, general stuff etc is fine, but I really don't care that you just woke up, what kind of sandwich you had or every relationship detail between you and the latest love of your life for the month.
Low crotch jeans make you look stupid. I don't care if they are fashionable, they make you look like you crapped in your pants. I will not take anything you say seriously while I'm busy wondering if you don't know how to dress yourself or if you've suffered a sporadic rectal prolapse and that's why your crotch is between your knees.
Left-wing people hate being associated with SJW's and feminazis just like right-wing people hate being associated with the Klan and Trump. Extremists of anything give the rest a bad name. Not all lefties are pothead hippies who think everything is offensive and think everyone should live on a commune. Not all right wingers are racist homophobes who sleep with their sisters and have 4 teeth. Stop assuming everyone is a worst case scenario.
Stopping in the middle of a sidewalk or hallway will get you shoved out of the way. Move to the side if you've stopped to check your phone, you're lost or you just want to look at something. If you are stationary in a place that is obstructive, do not be surprised when someone gets upset or, like me, hip checks your stupid ass out of the way.
Not everyone works Monday to Friday 9-5 or works night shifts etc, Therefore, when you're out in public or at home having a loud and raucous time, there is a good chance you're ruining someone's rest. This is the basic principle of not being a dick. Not everyone lives your lifestyle, so don't impose yours on others. If a neighbour asks you to turn your music down at 9pm, they aren't necessarily just a jerk, maybe they work the graveyard shift and you're ruining their sleep.
Being a parent doesn't make you a better or worse person than other people. Just because you have kids and I don't, do not act like you're better than me. The world is overpopulated and all you did was make it worse. On the flip side, just because I didn't have kids, I am not better or smarter than you and if I start acting like you are dumb for having kids, smack me.
Driver picks the music. As the shotgun position passenger, you are the driver's assistant, you do not make the choices. If you are sitting in the backseat, you have no say in anything at all- not even bathroom stops. You sit there and shut up and help the driver.
Do not post all of your issues on social networking. Nobody needs to know every intimate detail of your life. If I needed to know that much detail about you, we'd hang out more rather than be passing acquaintances on a website. Picture, general stuff etc is fine, but I really don't care that you just woke up, what kind of sandwich you had or every relationship detail between you and the latest love of your life for the month.
Low crotch jeans make you look stupid. I don't care if they are fashionable, they make you look like you crapped in your pants. I will not take anything you say seriously while I'm busy wondering if you don't know how to dress yourself or if you've suffered a sporadic rectal prolapse and that's why your crotch is between your knees.
Left-wing people hate being associated with SJW's and feminazis just like right-wing people hate being associated with the Klan and Trump. Extremists of anything give the rest a bad name. Not all lefties are pothead hippies who think everything is offensive and think everyone should live on a commune. Not all right wingers are racist homophobes who sleep with their sisters and have 4 teeth. Stop assuming everyone is a worst case scenario.
Friday, 14 October 2016
I'm so tired of being tired
"Chronic fatigue syndrome is a complicated disorder characterized by extreme fatigue that can't be explained by any underlying medical condition. The fatigue may worsen with physical or mental activity, but doesn't improve with rest." - Mayo Clinic
Ok, now try explaining it to people. Here are 99% of the replies:
"Maybe you should exercise more"
"You're lucky, I can never sleep"
"Sounds kinda lazy"
"Have a coffee"
Yeah....no.
Do you know that feeling you get when you are deeply, bone tired? The kind of fatigue you feel after you've been swimming all day, in the sun, had a few cold beers and your body just wants to crawl into bed and sleep for 18 hours? Now imagine feeling that way all the time. I mean ALL THE TIME. It doesn't matter if you just worked out for 3 hours or if you just woke up in the morning after a good 8 hour rest...you still feel that tired.
That energized feeling of a good night's sleep or an invigorating workout? That never happens. EVER.
You want to read that book? Good luck, within half an hour you'll be snoozing. You want to marathon a show? Why bother, one episode in and you'll be zonked out. You wanna hit that workout? Ok, but your body and brain are gonna fight you the entire time and you don't get that energized feeling afterwards.
I developed CFS after a very nasty bout of mono in my early 20's, it lasted nearly a year, I was hospitalized with multiple internal infections (kidney, liver, stomach etc) and nearly lost my spleen to a rupture. Most people think of mono as the 'nap' illness that makes you sleepy for a few weeks; not knowing it can be very serious and have permanent effects. As one person put it 'damn, you didn't get mono, you got stereo"
It's been over 10 years, and trust me, I've tried it all. Caffeine, weight loss, sleep aids, naturopathy, red bull all day, sleep timers, exercise, prayer...I've tried. I find I get a lot of the same reactions to be chronically fatigued as to depression...people have had a peripheral experience with the feeling (sadness, tiredness etc), so they feel the need to offer their own 'helpful' suggestions as though they 'get it'. Would you comfort a suicidal person by telling them to 'cheer up'? No, because the problem obviously runs deeper than you understand. So the next person to tell me to go to bed early, exercise or have a coffee is going to get a beating...after my nap.
Don't get me wrong, I know it can be hard to know what to say when someone tells you that they have a condition, a problem or something of the sort- your first instinct when presented a problem is to think of a solution...but I urge you to refrain- just saying 'dude, that sucks' is preferred. Chances are the reason I'm telling you about the issue is to offer a reason as to why I didn't attend something, am leaving early or fell asleep on your shoe at a party before the first beer; so I'm not expecting you to have a solution- just give me a pillow and keep it down.
"She loves her sleep"...ya, and diabetics sure 'love' their insulin....fish 'love' to be in water instead of air..."she loves not being stabbed by a murderer". Yes, the fact that I have to sleep a lot means that I miss out on things, but I was lame when I was an insomniac, so I feel kinda even on that end of things.
Let's also face it, getting older certainly isn't helping either. I remember when a hangover was a minor inconvenience for an hour until I could get my hands on some greasy food- now, a hangover lasts 4 weeks and requires divine intervention to stop the pain. The impending Canadian winter doesn't bode well either; the long dark nights, the abhorrently cold weather, the long work days as the year winds down, all of these things make a snooze on the couch sound even better than normal. I guess what I'm saying is that I need a fountain of youth and to live in the tropics.
Until that happens (lookin' at you lottery tickets), I just have to cope with being tired of being tired. I keep hoping that in one of my many dreams, my subconscious will think of the cure (by which I don't mean I wish I could dream of Robert Smith in his eyeliner).
Rant over. Nap time.
Ok, now try explaining it to people. Here are 99% of the replies:
"Maybe you should exercise more"
"You're lucky, I can never sleep"
"Sounds kinda lazy"
"Have a coffee"
Yeah....no.
Do you know that feeling you get when you are deeply, bone tired? The kind of fatigue you feel after you've been swimming all day, in the sun, had a few cold beers and your body just wants to crawl into bed and sleep for 18 hours? Now imagine feeling that way all the time. I mean ALL THE TIME. It doesn't matter if you just worked out for 3 hours or if you just woke up in the morning after a good 8 hour rest...you still feel that tired.
That energized feeling of a good night's sleep or an invigorating workout? That never happens. EVER.
You want to read that book? Good luck, within half an hour you'll be snoozing. You want to marathon a show? Why bother, one episode in and you'll be zonked out. You wanna hit that workout? Ok, but your body and brain are gonna fight you the entire time and you don't get that energized feeling afterwards.
I developed CFS after a very nasty bout of mono in my early 20's, it lasted nearly a year, I was hospitalized with multiple internal infections (kidney, liver, stomach etc) and nearly lost my spleen to a rupture. Most people think of mono as the 'nap' illness that makes you sleepy for a few weeks; not knowing it can be very serious and have permanent effects. As one person put it 'damn, you didn't get mono, you got stereo"
It's been over 10 years, and trust me, I've tried it all. Caffeine, weight loss, sleep aids, naturopathy, red bull all day, sleep timers, exercise, prayer...I've tried. I find I get a lot of the same reactions to be chronically fatigued as to depression...people have had a peripheral experience with the feeling (sadness, tiredness etc), so they feel the need to offer their own 'helpful' suggestions as though they 'get it'. Would you comfort a suicidal person by telling them to 'cheer up'? No, because the problem obviously runs deeper than you understand. So the next person to tell me to go to bed early, exercise or have a coffee is going to get a beating...after my nap.
Don't get me wrong, I know it can be hard to know what to say when someone tells you that they have a condition, a problem or something of the sort- your first instinct when presented a problem is to think of a solution...but I urge you to refrain- just saying 'dude, that sucks' is preferred. Chances are the reason I'm telling you about the issue is to offer a reason as to why I didn't attend something, am leaving early or fell asleep on your shoe at a party before the first beer; so I'm not expecting you to have a solution- just give me a pillow and keep it down.
"She loves her sleep"...ya, and diabetics sure 'love' their insulin....fish 'love' to be in water instead of air..."she loves not being stabbed by a murderer". Yes, the fact that I have to sleep a lot means that I miss out on things, but I was lame when I was an insomniac, so I feel kinda even on that end of things.
Let's also face it, getting older certainly isn't helping either. I remember when a hangover was a minor inconvenience for an hour until I could get my hands on some greasy food- now, a hangover lasts 4 weeks and requires divine intervention to stop the pain. The impending Canadian winter doesn't bode well either; the long dark nights, the abhorrently cold weather, the long work days as the year winds down, all of these things make a snooze on the couch sound even better than normal. I guess what I'm saying is that I need a fountain of youth and to live in the tropics.
Until that happens (lookin' at you lottery tickets), I just have to cope with being tired of being tired. I keep hoping that in one of my many dreams, my subconscious will think of the cure (by which I don't mean I wish I could dream of Robert Smith in his eyeliner).
Rant over. Nap time.
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