Top 10 Jobs I Should Be Doing

I've never been one of those people lucky enough to know exactly what I want to do as a career in life.  As a young child, I wanted to be a vet...but that dream died quickly after I realized that I couldn't pass my grade 10 biology class without copying off of the exchange student.  I wanted to be a teacher for awhile...until I realized that I have no patience for kids and teenagers.  I've considered many other things in my adult life; translation, ESL teaching, prostitution, hobo...the usuals, but I remain in my simple office job happily enough.  I always keep an eye on various job boards, because new jobs types are always being created and I hold out hope that someday some really cool sounding job will pop up and catch my eye. So far...nothing.  I think I am going to have to start creating my own 'ideal job' based on things that I enjoy and things that I am actually good at.  Here are some jobs I think I could really get into:

1.  Professional napper
2.  President of TV Quotes: Simpsons divison
3.  Director of Sarcasm...because that would ever happen
4.  Chief of Douchebag Police: charged with punishing all douchey behaviour in our streets
5.  Online dating profile manager- I write and manage your profile, you do the acutal dates
6.  Iron Man....shut up, I'd be amazing at it
7.  Professional Model for 'Before' Pictures- Making you look extra hot in your 'after' pics.
8.  Cat Lady, because playing with cats all day is what I'll end up doing when I finally crack mentally anyways
9.  Master and Commander of the Grammar Army...because 'would of' is not correct!!!!
10.  Reminder-er- I'm good at remembering birthdays, anniversaries, dates etc, so you pay me, I'll remind you.

So, my friends, if any of you happen to see any of these listings pop into your local want-ads, be a dear and let me know! 

I should mention that I was going to put "Professional Smartass", however that job really does exist, it's called "politician"

New Year's Resolutions

In the spirit of the new year, many people make resolutions to better themselves and improve their lives, their health, their job etc.  I haven't done this in many years, because the resolutions usually involve doing things I don't actually want to do...otherwise I would have already done them.  Some people make some resolutions that just aren't realistic, others make resolutions that are just bad ideas (like starting a blog).  Listed here are some resolutions that just didn't work out:

- Memorize all character names from Game of Thrones book series

- Find out just how many bananas I would need to eat before the radiaton make me a superhero

- End every sentence with 'Amen'

- Be more racist

- Be really honest about peoples' pictures on social media, especially selfies and ugly babies.

- Vote for Rob Ford

- Go to Comic Con, yell out 'my favourite Star Trek character is Yoda!' for all to hear

- Give up caffeine, take up licking batteries instead

- Save money with do-it-yourself dentistry

- To make my image more hip at work, all coworkers will now be referred to as 'bros' and 'hoes'

- Send more texts when drunk

- Wear a Habs jersey

- Learn German by watching porn, use knowledge at work.

- Buy stock in Blackberry

- Post more inspirational things on Facebook, because people love that

- To seem more 'worldly', speak in a different accent every day

- Wear more ponchos 

- Accept a stress test from the scientologists 

- Facebook message every ex boyfriend I've ever had

- Watch every single Nicolas Cage movie

- Pitch tv show about a single woman living in New York City who works for a newspaper, because that's just really original

- Try to 'bring back' powdered wigs and pantaloons

- Join a couples dance class with your cat