Signs you're getting OLDER

When we were kids, we couldn't wait to grow up.  We wanted to be big kids.  When we were big kids, we wanted to be teenagers.  When we were teenagers, we wanted to be adults.  Now that we're adults, we want to turn time back and be young again.  Where did the time go?  I sometimes still think I'm young, that is, until I hang out with young people.  Then I realize that I am getting older...I may not be ancient, but I'm not the young fresh flower I once was.  There are some very clear signs from the universe that the abacus of your lifespan is notching ever over to one side.

- You are happier when people cancel plans with you than make plans
- You get the same joy from having clean laundry that you once did from new outfits
- Creaky knees
- You hate the music on the radio (unless you listen to oldies stations)
- You get upset at Forever 21 for selling crop tops with Nirvana, Clash and AC/DC on them because the kids today are too young to really appreciate those bands enough to deserve the tshirts.
- You feel weird when standing in Hot Topic
- Bad back!
- You watch the original Jurassic Park movie and agree with the lawyer.
- You remember when Adam Sandler was funny
- The athletes your age are all retiring.
- You'll pay the extra money for good shoes because you can't take the cute shoes that hurt your feet anymore
- You'll also pay extra for direct flights, bigger seats etc. when travelling because your body can't take the stress and discomfort anymore
-Hangovers last for days instead of hours
- The only reason a cute 21 year old guy comes up to you is to ask you directions
- Your parents become the children in the relationship
- You watch a political debate...sober....on purpose
- The big thing you're saving for is new towels
- The night ends at 10pm
- You'd rather hang out with your cat than 95% of the people you know
- You have no idea what Tinder is for
- You care how much fiber is in your diet
- Finding a good tasting low fat cheese can make your day
- More than 2 cups of coffee/tea makes you edgy
- You remember a time when people didn't get offended by absolutely everything
- You're no longer excited when friends get engaged because you know the hassle that will follow
- Mortgage payments
- You finally realize that nobody owes you anything in life
- Kraft Dinner is more a treat and less a nightly necessity
- You remember when The Simpsons was the best show on tv
- There are no high school photos of you on Facebook because cell phone cameras weren't a thing
- You genuinely forget how old you are when asked
- When you look at the 'Must Be Born Before This Date In' year to buy cigarettes...you're shocked at that year.
-McDonald's just doesn't taste as good anymore
-Teenagers are the worst thing on the planet
- Cat videos become far better than music videos


You know what they say...getting old sucks but the alternative is much worse.

New Greetings Cards

Today marks the 2 year anniversary of this blog

*crickets*

My bloggiversary may not exactly be the event of the year, but it did make me think of how many occasions there are without sufficient greeting card availability.  So while I will forgive my readers (all 0.3 of you) for not sending me a card to celebrate this milestone, I will mark this monument of life with some of my ideas for cards that Hallmark just doesn't have covered yet:

"Congratulations on finally dumping the gf/bf I've always hated but never had the heart to tell you so"

"Happy Freedom from your cellular contract day!"- given to commemorate the last day of your Bell/Rogers/Telus contract- the day you are free from one evil to go get screwed the exact same way by one of the others in a viscous customer-f**king cycle.

"Congratulations on passing that tape worm!"

"I'm sorry I gave you the herp"

"My deepest condolences that your child grew up to be a douchebag"

"Congrats on having a hot sibling, can I come for dinner more often?"

"You Did It! You found your keys in your purse on the first try!"

"Happy one year anniversary of not using the word 'bro', keep it up!"

"Happy Birthday Kitty" - to be given to your cat on his/her bday (please note: yes, I did wish my cat a happy birthday AND bought her a present).

"Thank you for always being the fat friend"

"My sincerest apologies for calling your baby ugly, I didn't mean for you to hear that"

"Way to get through high school without getting knocked up!"

"My deepest sympathies on finding out you're over 40 and pregnant"

"Let's celebrate! Our husbands weren't on the Ashley Madison subscribers list!"

"Happy anniversary of losing your virginity to some random dude!"

"Congratulations that your celebrity crush is getting a divorce!"

"Thank you for not telling my parents all the awful stuff we did in high school"

"Happy good hair day!"

"Congratulations on finally stopping dressing like a two-dollar hooker"

"You're getting married! Why?!"

" I'm sorry that you accidentally sexted your mom/dad"

"Congrats! You stopped f**king swearing!"