Guess what! More words!
Don't care? Me neither!
Flabs- (ph-lah-bz) noun. plural. A pudgy stomach; where you have flab instead of abs.
Vag of Honour (Vajj of Aw-Nur) noun. When a woman is proud of her sexual accomplishments. Example: I slept with a young gorgeous man last night and I'm wearing that like a vag of honour.
To Lose your Furginity (Furr-jin-itti) verb. When you get your first pet as an adult living on your own.
Cinnabod (syn-nah-bodd) noun. When you get so fat that you start looking like the Cinnabun's you've been eating.
Fwerk- (Ffwurk)- verb. To fake work when your boss passes by so they don't know you were goofing off.
White Girl Blogging
Wednesday 15 March 2017
Friday 3 March 2017
Food Crimes
We all eat, some of us more than others, but we all eat food. There is a massive variety of foods available in all parts of the world and infinite ways to prepare, serve and prepare all different types of food. As such, this means that there are ones that you, as an individual, like and some that you don't like and others may agree with you on some of those opinions and people who disagree with you.
I grew up a picky eater who disliked a ton of foods and ate only a select few (most of these were purchased from McDonald's); however as I have grown older, I have expanded my horizons (and my pant size). Despite being more open to a lot of foods, there are still some things I still simple can not abide.
The following food crimes shall be punishable by death once I take over the world (it will happen, and you will all thank me)
- Ketchup on KD. You are a monster. Why would you want runny sweetness mixed in with the creamy fake-cheese?? KD is perfect, don't ruin it
- Plain chips...seriously? Ok with dip but people who just eat plain chips without anything...I don't trust them- they are probably serial killers
- French Toast- soaking bread in egg is just weird, you are weird....stop being weird!!
- Mustard- Satan's condiment.... I don't care that most people like this- I will cut you over this.
- Melons...other than watermelon, there is simply no need- melons only exist so that restaurants can screw you out of giving you extra delicious bacon by filling up your plate with these fruit-bominations
- Putting anything on poutine- poutine is perfect, why would you mess with perfection?! It doesn't need your stupid pork, your heathen ketchup or your sacrilegious taco toppings, be gone!
- Olives. I don't care, they are only good for oil and you can bite my shiny metal ass on this one.
- Tomato Soup- this is just failed pasta sauce, you are not wanted!
- Anything from Arby's....seriously, if you go to Arby's, you'd be better off eating the wrappings than the "food" inside.
- Canned peas- literally the worst thing to ever exist,...literally.
- Putting anything in pancakes- leave them alone, it's already light fluffy and delicious. don't mess with that batter! You can out syrup, jam, peanut butter or a heap of cocaine on them once they're made, that's fine....but don't add to the batter!!
- Hawaiian pizza- it's like putting flame decals on a 1969 Corvette...do not desecrate such a beautiful being with your filth.
- Oatmeal Raisin cookies...they look like nice regular chocolate chip cookies but they're not...they're lies!!
- Black Licorice....sorry dad, but it's just wrong, it tastes like someone burned regular licorice and then put it back in the package.
- Well-done steak....you make me sick if you get anything over medium. Did you know that restaurants will give you a worse cut of meat the more well-done you get your steak? That's because they hate you like I do, you've ruined a good piece of meat!
- Carrot muffins- they tried to sell carrots as a dessert food during the war due to a sugar shortage...well the war is over an we can stop pretending that carrots belong in the 'sweet' category get them out of my desserts!
Ok, so there are more foods that I don't like to eat, but I left them off the list because I can respect their existence; for example all seafood. While I may hate it, I respect it's right to exist and can understand why other like it. The ones I have named above, however, will be destroyed when my glorious revolution takes over.
Bonne Appetit comrades.
I grew up a picky eater who disliked a ton of foods and ate only a select few (most of these were purchased from McDonald's); however as I have grown older, I have expanded my horizons (and my pant size). Despite being more open to a lot of foods, there are still some things I still simple can not abide.
The following food crimes shall be punishable by death once I take over the world (it will happen, and you will all thank me)
- Ketchup on KD. You are a monster. Why would you want runny sweetness mixed in with the creamy fake-cheese?? KD is perfect, don't ruin it
- Plain chips...seriously? Ok with dip but people who just eat plain chips without anything...I don't trust them- they are probably serial killers
- French Toast- soaking bread in egg is just weird, you are weird....stop being weird!!
- Mustard- Satan's condiment.... I don't care that most people like this- I will cut you over this.
- Melons...other than watermelon, there is simply no need- melons only exist so that restaurants can screw you out of giving you extra delicious bacon by filling up your plate with these fruit-bominations
- Putting anything on poutine- poutine is perfect, why would you mess with perfection?! It doesn't need your stupid pork, your heathen ketchup or your sacrilegious taco toppings, be gone!
- Olives. I don't care, they are only good for oil and you can bite my shiny metal ass on this one.
- Tomato Soup- this is just failed pasta sauce, you are not wanted!
- Anything from Arby's....seriously, if you go to Arby's, you'd be better off eating the wrappings than the "food" inside.
- Canned peas- literally the worst thing to ever exist,...literally.
- Putting anything in pancakes- leave them alone, it's already light fluffy and delicious. don't mess with that batter! You can out syrup, jam, peanut butter or a heap of cocaine on them once they're made, that's fine....but don't add to the batter!!
- Hawaiian pizza- it's like putting flame decals on a 1969 Corvette...do not desecrate such a beautiful being with your filth.
- Oatmeal Raisin cookies...they look like nice regular chocolate chip cookies but they're not...they're lies!!
- Black Licorice....sorry dad, but it's just wrong, it tastes like someone burned regular licorice and then put it back in the package.
- Well-done steak....you make me sick if you get anything over medium. Did you know that restaurants will give you a worse cut of meat the more well-done you get your steak? That's because they hate you like I do, you've ruined a good piece of meat!
- Carrot muffins- they tried to sell carrots as a dessert food during the war due to a sugar shortage...well the war is over an we can stop pretending that carrots belong in the 'sweet' category get them out of my desserts!
Ok, so there are more foods that I don't like to eat, but I left them off the list because I can respect their existence; for example all seafood. While I may hate it, I respect it's right to exist and can understand why other like it. The ones I have named above, however, will be destroyed when my glorious revolution takes over.
Bonne Appetit comrades.
Thursday 19 January 2017
Words You Are Using Incorrectly
I've previously attempted to assist with the common grammatical crimes of your/you're and their/they're/there; so today I will focus on some other offenses oft committed but perhaps overlooked.
Words you are using wrong:
Selfie. This is really only used incorrectly by people over the age of 50. These people seem to think that a selfie is any photo taken on a mobile device. A selfie is a photo you take of yourself, it's a self taken photo of one's self....hence selfie. I cannot tell you how many times I've heard someone say "She got a selfie of him with her phone"....that's not possible- you cannot take a selfie of someone other than yourself.
Literally. No, you did not literally die when you heard big news. You are not literally incapable of handling the situation. If you had done either of these, you'd either be physically dead or mentally insane; which you aren't, you're just a twat who doesn't know what 'literally' means. What you want is the word 'figurative' if anything.
Awesome. This means to inspire awe, actual awe; a feeling of such breathtaking a mind wrenching incomprehension and subjugation that you are taken to the brink of sanity by what you are experiencing and are reduced to your most basic animal mental state by the information. So, is the sandwich you said was awesome really that good? I doubt it.
Feminist- this is any person who believes that women deserve equal rights, pay, treatment to men. That's it. This can refer to a man or a woman who hold his belief. This does not only refer to butch lesbians, to misandry spewing man-haters, to women who need to get laid, it refers to all people who believe in fighting discrimination based on sex. We fight against stereotyping other groups such as all right-wingers are hillbilly bible-thumpers, all left-wingers are hippy drug addicts and all Americans are racist etc. Yes, these extremes exist, but don't let the few bad apples sour the whole bunch. The word you are looking for instead is 'feminazi'- the extremists of the group who are just the worst.
GIF vs JIF- The short form stands for 'graphic interchange format'. The word 'graphic' has a guttural 'gu' sound, not a hard 'j' or 'ʤ' sound as per phonetics. The letter 'g' is pronounced differently based on the vowel that proceeds it; if it is followed by an 'i' or and 'e', then it takes on the 'j' or 'ʤ' sound; if it is proceeded by an 'a' and 'o' or a 'u', then it it pronounces as the softened 'gu' sound. The exception to this is for Germanic words such as 'gift' and 'geese'. Therefore, a Roman based language would say "Jif" and a Germanic would pronounce is "Gif" with a soft 'g'. As English is a combination of both....this means they are both right and both wrong and that there is no right answer. Stop debating this online, it doesn't matter, look at cat videos like a normal person.
I'm sure one of these days one of my language professors will stumble across my language rants and will immediately have my degree revoked...but until then, keep reading!
Words you are using wrong:
Selfie. This is really only used incorrectly by people over the age of 50. These people seem to think that a selfie is any photo taken on a mobile device. A selfie is a photo you take of yourself, it's a self taken photo of one's self....hence selfie. I cannot tell you how many times I've heard someone say "She got a selfie of him with her phone"....that's not possible- you cannot take a selfie of someone other than yourself.
Literally. No, you did not literally die when you heard big news. You are not literally incapable of handling the situation. If you had done either of these, you'd either be physically dead or mentally insane; which you aren't, you're just a twat who doesn't know what 'literally' means. What you want is the word 'figurative' if anything.
Awesome. This means to inspire awe, actual awe; a feeling of such breathtaking a mind wrenching incomprehension and subjugation that you are taken to the brink of sanity by what you are experiencing and are reduced to your most basic animal mental state by the information. So, is the sandwich you said was awesome really that good? I doubt it.
Feminist- this is any person who believes that women deserve equal rights, pay, treatment to men. That's it. This can refer to a man or a woman who hold his belief. This does not only refer to butch lesbians, to misandry spewing man-haters, to women who need to get laid, it refers to all people who believe in fighting discrimination based on sex. We fight against stereotyping other groups such as all right-wingers are hillbilly bible-thumpers, all left-wingers are hippy drug addicts and all Americans are racist etc. Yes, these extremes exist, but don't let the few bad apples sour the whole bunch. The word you are looking for instead is 'feminazi'- the extremists of the group who are just the worst.
GIF vs JIF- The short form stands for 'graphic interchange format'. The word 'graphic' has a guttural 'gu' sound, not a hard 'j' or 'ʤ' sound as per phonetics. The letter 'g' is pronounced differently based on the vowel that proceeds it; if it is followed by an 'i' or and 'e', then it takes on the 'j' or 'ʤ' sound; if it is proceeded by an 'a' and 'o' or a 'u', then it it pronounces as the softened 'gu' sound. The exception to this is for Germanic words such as 'gift' and 'geese'. Therefore, a Roman based language would say "Jif" and a Germanic would pronounce is "Gif" with a soft 'g'. As English is a combination of both....this means they are both right and both wrong and that there is no right answer. Stop debating this online, it doesn't matter, look at cat videos like a normal person.
I'm sure one of these days one of my language professors will stumble across my language rants and will immediately have my degree revoked...but until then, keep reading!
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