More New Words!

I can't say that this is how I imagined I would be putting my language degree to use, but at least it wasn't a total waste (sorry mom and dad).  I will eventually have to recap all of these new word creations of mine and start my own dictionary since those twats at the Oxford won't allow me within 50 meters of their office anymore.  Here are today's words:

Spoontang (Spoon-tang) noun. A guilty pleasure of indulging in food.  Eg: I have some Ben and Jerry's in my freezer waiting for me...I'm gonna get me some spoontang.

Procatstinate (Pro-kat-stinn-ate) verb. To waste time watching cat videos online. Eg. I was supposed to be getting that report done for my boss but I spent the whole day procatstinating watching Simon's Cat on YouTube.

Caffiend- (Ka-feend) noun. A person who is massively addicted to caffeine such a coffee and energy drinks.  Eg. Mike really needs to cut down on the coffee, he's a major caffiend, he's up to 5 a day.

Tadpolling (Tad-pol-ling) verb. Dating someone much too young for you.  Sharon is 39 and is dating a 21 year old guys, I don't know why she's tadpolling instead of looking for someone a bit more mature.

Stop that Sh*t

I haven't had a good rant in awhile...I'm feeling a bit pent up.  Having re-read some of my older posts, I was inspired to re-hash one of the same general ideas and simply list off shit that needs to stop.  These are things that, if you are guilty of doing them, cease and desist immediately.  I will rain down pain upon you for continuing to do these things after having been warned...I cannot say where or when or even exactly how...but it will happen (and will likely involve 7 bees, an unwashed sleeping bag and 3, possibly 4 batteries).

Dear world...stop

- wearing man buns....you look like a hairy ballerina form a child's nightmare
- putting your dogs in outfits...I hope they bite you
- being offended by everything...grow some balls
- posting about how blessed you are- shut it!
- not offering your seat to someone in need....God help me I will come at you like a badger!
- taking up more than your share of the sidewalk....I will push you into the traffic and nobody will see
- saying Caitlyn Jenner isn't as brave as army soldiers...there are different kinds of bravery. all valid
- showing up late to everything...if you don't value my time I no longer value your friendship
- pushing your health regiment on me...I will shove that kale smoothie where it will be of no benefit to your digestive system
- pretending like you're too cool for everything...then you're obviously too cool for me too so go away
- pumpkin spice....seriously, f**k off
- Donald Trump....the joke isn't funny anymore
- hating that a murdered lion got media attention...animals are vital to our eco-system, the illegal slaughter of them needs to be dealt with
- calling Toronto 'the 6'.  It's not a thing...stop trying to make it happen.  Drake is a very privileged kid from Forest Hill who was a child actor and never wanted for anything, don't buy the thug image.
- reacting without researching- at least learn what you're mad about
- cancelling shows I love....Buzzcocks, Futurama...a 27 year break between Sherlock series
- lumping all people who support a cause in with the asshole extremists of that cause...muslim extremists, feminazis, christian fundamentalists....they are the worst case scenario, not everyone goes that far and they just give everyone else in the group a bad name
- showing me pictures of Phil Kessel in a Pens uniform...I'm not ready man....not ready
- making me wait for more Game of Thrones
- advertising $200 airfare but then charging $700 tax and fees
- hammer time

Ok...are we clear?  Will the entire planet stop this now?  That's how this works right?....I'm trusting you.