Picking Up Chicks

I often hear from male single friends that it's very hard to hit on a woman because women are 'too stuck up'. There are many stories of good guys being turned down and not knowing where they went wrong when approaching a woman.  I've been asked for advice from guys who don't seem to know why women are so reluctant to take a risk with a charming suitor.

It wasn't until the other day when it was actually a man who summed it up for me...these men tend to look at the situation from only their own point of view.  These guys aren't seeing themselves as the woman is seeing them.

Guys, no matter your size, no matter your physical grandeur or lack thereof....the second you approach a woman for the first time you are a threat.  When we are out in public, we have our guard up against potential threats to our persons, it's just instinct.  The guard is lessened usually when we are in a place such as a bar or club as we are more likely to be open to meeting new people at those types of locations and there are pre-set parameters and social rules for it.

I don't care if you are 6'9, 400lbs of muscle or a 5'4 skinny wimp, the moment you approach me in public, my brain starts scanning you for potential threat. "What does he want?" "Does he have a visible weapon?" "What are my escape options if I am in danger?"....these are the first things that run through our head, so just be aware that that is where you are starting from.  Don't be put off that she isn't immediately smiling and curious about your charms...she's scanning you to see if you're about to stab her and if you're showing any freaky tendencies.

51% of Canadian women have been physically or sexually assaulted at some point in their life.  Do you really think we can afford to just assume you won't be that guy?  98% of sexual violence is committed by men in this country, so yes, it's different for us if a random man approaches us versus another woman.  Most women know their assailant prior to the assault, which means that chances are it was someone we thought we knew and/or could trust, so if that happened to us by someone we knew, maybe we are going to be a bit wary of someone we don't know.

I'm not saying don't hit on women or never approach women.  What I am saying is realize what is happening in her mind when you're approaching her.  Don't think it's her fault and that she's a snob because she didn't want to give you her personal information on approach.  You're taking a risk being rejected but she's viewing it as risking her personal safety.

Also, on a less sinister note....don't hit on waitresses, baristas or anyone who is at their place of work.  They are working, be respectful.  They're nice to you because they are paid to be nice to you.  They aren't flirting with you, they are hoping you will just be a good customer and then get on with their day.

The case that brought this up was my boyfriend told me about the radio show he listens to.  The female DJ received an email from a listener she's never met asking her on a date.  The email was supposedly funny and charming, but she declined him.  The two male DJs couldn't understand why she wouldn't give this guy a chance.  She explained that not only is this man a complete stranger, but that, as a public figure, she has had problems with threats against her and has had stalkers.  The male DJs still thought she was too uptight.  The more I think about it, the angrier it made me.  If she says no, she's an uptight bitch.  If she says yes and she's assaulted, then she was too eager and she should've known better than to go out with some guy she's never met.

All I'm saying is that, as a woman, I wish more men would understand the dynamic of approaching a stranger in public.  Even if your intentions are pure and good, just think about how the other person is observing the situation.