I know we live in a time where we are supposed to be gender normative, gender neutral, full equality and never admit that any one human being is in any way different to any other human being. Well, suck my big fat lady balls. I am a woman, and biologically, that still means something. So if my discussing problems that are unique to my gender is a trigger to you and your hypersensitive gender issues, I suggest using the red 'X' at the top right of the page right now.
Alright, let's start with the obvious. Periods. There- that just got rid of a whole ton of male readers (as if I have readers) unless they are over the age of 30 and have been married long enough that it's as much as part of their life as oil changes and taking the garbage out.
Periods are something women have to deal with for 30-40 years of their life...every single month (except during pregnancy) and they are a simply biological process and completely natural. They are also lifelong hell curses sent by Satan himself. Seriously, the reward for not getting knocked up every month is to bleed out of your crotch for 5 days and feel like a whale who has been harpooned and left for dead?
Emotionally we're on a roller coaster we have zero control over where one second you're screaming at a kitten, the next you want to cry because you dropped your pen. It's especially bad during your teenage years, your hormones are already going crazy enough, then you through the period monkey wrench in there and watch out- you've got a walking grenade that can go at any second for no reason. I remember once screaming and whipping a fork at my brother's head because he jokingly took it from me in the kitchen one day...I still remember the look of terror on my entire family's face as I did it. I didn't mean to react that way, I certainly didn't mean to hurt him...but at that moment, I was so blinded with hormonal rage that I just....kablammo. As we age, our hormones change, so that means how we are during pre-menstrual and menstrual times change- some of us mellow out a bit more, some people get more unpredictably emotional, it's different for everyone...and we have no more warning than anyone else. Maybe one month you are just horrendously sad about everything- everything makes you cry (like the time I sobbed at a Muppet movie I'd seen a hundred times before), but maybe the next month everything makes you unreasonably aroused (like...you're siting at your desk and your mind just keeps wandering to the most 50 Shades-ish type fantasies for no reason). Men tend to think that women are so cranky and emotional around their periods just because they're upset or frustrated with having to have a period...nope, that pretty much has nothing to do with it. Our emotions get hijacked by some little red goblin in our brains and they hit the button 'random'...the same little goblin who gives teenage boys unexpected erections and drives their brain to think about sex and boobs....that little jerk goblin takes over our emotions.
Physically, good god. So, first of all, we bleed. Some only bleed a little bit...I call these women b*tches. I had friends growing up who only ever had light little periods and were more like those annoying women in the tampon commercials who only wear white and ride horses on the beach while on their periods. Most of us are not that lucky. Some of us full on bleed- like, a lot. We buy special ugly underwear to wear during our periods because there's a good chance that they will get stained with blood....and period blood does not wash out like other blood. If you get a cut and you get blood on your shirt or pants, you can rinse it and it will come out....period blood stays forever. Listen, this may sound gross and graphic, but it's true. You often wear dark pants, just in case, and skirts and dresses are worn with extreme caution. Pants with stretchy waistbands are a savior, because you're bloated to the size of a whale. Your uterus swells, which not only hurts itself, but the swelling presses on other organs, like your bladder...meaning you have to pee all the time. Also, it puts pressure on the lower back, so you just hurt and ache like crazy. The uterus is shedding it's built up layer...so to slough it off and out, it's contracting and expanding to force it out....and you feel it. Sometimes I have to actually look down at my abdomen to reassure myself that I haven't actually been stabbed because the pains are so sharp and severe. The hormones will often also cause pH imbalances, meaning you may get a yeast infection, acne, greasier hair, increased hair growth....so we are feeling ugly inside and out.
So if your woman doesn't want to go out on a night because she's on her period...cut her some slack. I don't think most guys would want to hit the bar if their penis was oozing and they felt like their innards were trying to escape from their body. Graphic, yes; real, yes. Also, next time you want to make a 'maybe she's on her period joke'...yeah, I want you to graphically picture everything I described before you say that...cause you're a d*ck.
So to all my ladies out there in black sweatpants, scarfing down chocolate and clutching the hot water bottle to their tummies....I salute you, because we're in this together.
No comments:
Post a Comment