Wasted Talents

I am a person of many skills and talents...no really, I am.  The fact is that I just can't list most of them on a resumé.  If I could be completely honest about the things I'm best at, my resumé would be 15 pages long...and I would be perpetually unemployed.

So here is my true resumé with all of my true skills..

- I can speak almost entirely in Simpsons quotes.
- I can fall asleep just about anywhere, anytime
- I speak some Polish...all of it offensive.
- I can turn any conversation dirty is less than 3 seconds.
- I am a master at finding a good sale
- I can remember completely pointless trivia
- I almost never forget anyone's birthday, even if I haven't seen them in years.
- I always have a pun ready...a really bad pun.
- I can watch the same tv shows over and over in repeat and never tire of them
- I can make an entire large pizza disappear
- I can believe it's not butter
- I have the unique ability to trip over air
- I can watch Ghostbusters 2 and enjoy it
- I once completed a 25x25 Sudoku puzzle
- I can spend 2 hours doing my hair and still manage to have a bad hair day
- I can think of more than 20 excuses not to go to the gym in under 4 seconds
- I can convert healthy eating and exercise into fat....somehow
- I can listen to you attentively for hours on end and still not give a sh*t
- I can tell the difference between Coke and Pepsi
- I have never caved in to pressure and watched The Notebook
- I can pretty much recite all Harry Potter books from memory
- I let the dogs out
- I once almost touched my toes
- I am fluent in sarcasm...because that's useful...
- My desk drawer is stocked with just about anything you could ever need for any situation

40 Reasons To Smile

I'm told that today is International Happiness Day...so in that spirit- I am going to name off a list of things that, instead of 'noooope', always make me go 'yeeeeep'

Here is my own personal book of awesome:

A really cold beer
Coming in late to work only to find out that the boss is even later than you
Watching a princess-looking woman trip over her own heels
Hearing that the person who you hate got into trouble at work
Making someone spit their drink out from laughing
Taking your bra off at the end of the day
The cashier telling you that your item is actually on sale
Getting your contact lens in on the first try
Someone bringing you a hot cup of tea (or coffee) in the morning
When a child asks to sit next to you
Thinking you forgot your charger but finding you didn't
Grabbing your keys as soon as you go into your purse instead of having to search
When an old friend reconnects without having ulterior motives
Your online order being delivered way faster than you expected
Meeting a new friend from the same fandom as you
Getting the elevator to yourself
Getting a seat on the subway/bus
When the office closes early the day before a holiday
When an animal falls asleep on you
Getting home from work and taking off your pants
A foot rub when you've been walking all day
Stepping in front of a fan on a really hot day
Finding out that your guilty pleasure food isn't as high calorie as first thought
When they open a new cash register just as you walk up to the line
Free donuts at work
Your best friend saying something unbelievably stupid so that you laugh your ass off
Finding out that your favourite show has been renewed for another season
Getting to use a piece of obscure trivia you aren't even sure how you know
Laughing until you either snort or wheeze
A onesie
Good hair days
Free samples!
Getting that long overdue 'to do' item checked off your list
Having breakfast for dinner
Wearing a new shirt and people complimenting you on it
Finally being alone and able to scratch your butt when it's super itchy
Getting the cozy chairs in the café
Getting to go back to sleep
Comfy shoes
Fridays