Commandments of Transit and the 7 Deadly Sins of Commuting

Anyone who knows me had to know that this subject was going to come up soon.  I spend a lot of time commuting on public transit, and I mean a lot…like…too much.  I use 2 transit systems to get to and from work as well as a third when I have to visit family…so I am quite well versed in the transit of the GTA.  Subways, buses, east/west, north/south, I take them all.  As such, I see a lot of people in a day, different types of people from every walk of life (except the rich who can afford cars).  Given that I see so many people, no matter how different they may seem, many seem to be prone to committing the same common infractions of transit users that I truly believe should be inscribed on a stone tablet upon a mountain as the “Commandments of Transit”.  I have, so far, devised what shall henceforth be known as the 7 Deadly Sins of Commuting:

1. Thou shalt let people off first- letting people get off the bus/subway before you shove yourself in is pretty basic. The bus driver can see you and isn't going to just leave you there.  The subway stops are designed to allow for the general flow of traffic at the station to get off and then on in that order. Violating this commandment does allow me to shoulder-check you out of the way.

2. Thou shalt not bring thy bicycle onto transit vehicles- You are a douchebag if you bring your bicycle into the subway or onto the bus.  Especially is you bring it into the bus because most TTC buses have racks on the outside meant for them.  You are bringing a mode of transportation onto another form of transportation, so you're both a douchebag and superfluous.  Those things take up so much room, and why? Because you couldn't bike the whole way? Then don't take your bike you damn hippie!

3. Thou shalt mind thy bags- Did you pay two fares? No? Then you don't get two seats, move your freakin' bags.  If you are blocking the seats with your shopping bags and you roll your eyes at me when I ask to sit down and make you move your oh-so-precious bags...I will pick them up and beat you over the head with them.  If you bring a thousand bags onto the bus or subway (especially during rush hour), you either need to take a cab or re-think your shopping strategies.

4. Thou shalt give up your seat- God help you if I see you not give your seat to a person in need! If you are sitting down and someone who needs a seat is standing near you (handicapped, disabled, pregnant, elderly etc.) then you are the worst kind of person.  I declare every right to yank you out of your seat by the scruff of your hair and toss you out of the moving vehicle.  I don't care if you're tired, if your feet hurt etc...get the hell out of that seat when someone needs it more than you do.

5. Thou shalt not talk to the driver-  Need directions? Google them. If you want to double check that the bus or subway is going the direction that you need, fine, ask away, but do not proceed to then ask them how to complete your entire transit adventure...look it up before you get on.  I don't need to be stuck at a stop because your stupid ass cannot figure out that Bay is west of Yonge or that you need to change buses somewhere.  The driver also does not want to hear about your day, your friend who worked on a bus or anything other than the sound of you not speaking...just let them do their jobs in peace.

6. Thou shalt not sit next to me- The general rule is that you should not sit next to someone unless it is unavoidable.  If there is a spot where you can sit and not be next to anyone, that is the spot you take.  I don't want someone next to me if at all possible, so if I am sitting alone in a two seater and there is another empty two seater...do not come sit next to me...that is like taking the urinal beside another man, you just don't do it.  If the bus/subway is busy, then fine, sit, but stay on your side, don't talk to me and if you start being noisy in anyway, I will jab you with my elbow into your ribcage.

7. Thou shalt shut the hell up- This is simple...be quiet.  If you yammer away on your cellphone on a bus, or chat incessantly with your friend(s) on the bus/subway, you need to know that every person around you wants to rip out your vocal chords.  

Now go forth and spread this gospel.