I am not an inventor. I am not particularly creative. The cleverest things I invent are excuses for not getting out of bed or not working out. I do, however, wish that people with more brains and ingenuity than myself, would see the desperate need that our society has for many new inventions. There are some things that really should exist, that have gone unmanufactured somehow and need to be funded and developed ASAP...much more so than half the idiotic government programs they have going now (who needs edumacation anyways?)
Here are some inventions that someone in this world needs to get crackin' on:
- Nap pills- I am often exhausted at work and at home..and on the subway..and just in existence. I consume enough caffeine to kill a bull elephant on a daily basis just to be able to stay awake at work because it's apparently frowned on to sleep at my desk (who knew?). What I need is a pill that I can take that will trick my body and mind into thinking I just had a power nap.
- Cups that control drink temperature- Thermos' are great for keeping a beverage hot and those chilled glasses keep things cool-ish, but what I want is a cup that is temperature controlled...so if it's too hot, I can turn a dial and it will cool it...or, if my tea has gone cold...I can turn the dial and it will heat it back up. This can't be too hard to invent...someone call Dr.Frink.
- Heated pants- need I say more? While I would love to ban all pants, I would at least like to make the world's enslavement to pants more bearable. During the cold times, we wear a million layers on our upper bodies (sweaters, jackets, undershirts, etc) but only pants on the bottom half. The exception is women (and a few men) who wear nylons as well when it's cold, but that is still minimal. We cannot layer pants...that's silly..so let's get us some heated pants...it's the only way! I'm sick of my thighs turning blue in the winter.
- Honest mirrors- Have you ever seen someone out in public and thought 'did nobody tell you the truth about your outfit/hair/shoes? ' I think many people would benefit from a mirror that gives you honest feedback about what you're showing it...and it could be the voice of Tim Gunn or Heidi Klum.
- Dryers that folds the laundry- c'mon, it's 2013 people! I don't care how many cycles my dryer has, I don't even really give a crap how 'eco' it is...I hate having to fold all that stuff when it's done...especially fitted sheets...those are the invention of the devil himself. I am not paying the laundromat guy to do it, he looks like he was recently handling crystal meth, so I would prefer he not touch my unmentionables.
- Kitchens that keep an automated shopping list- I always forget stuff or don't notice that I'm running low on something...I want my kitchen to be able to tell me what I am almost out of and need to restock. This would be very helpful for people who live together and the one person never mentions to the other when they've used the last of something...bastards.
- Shoes with built in massagers- this is just damn silliness that these do not currently exist. They have massage slippers...let's get some sneakers and some heels in here that are going to pamper your tootsies while you're punishing them mercilessly.
- One hour cheap liposuction- you all know why this should exist...'nuff said.
- Chocolate that helps you lose weight- Why? because F**K YOU! That's why!
Alright inventors....get into that lab and make me proud...or make me a sandwich...I'm good either way.
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