This Christmas, I will be the last of my
family to neither be married nor have kids...I am the last single one. While my immediately family is as insane as I
am, they are not usually so socially inept as to ask the typical ‘when is it
your turn?’ type questions. But, someone
always does. So, here are my answers as
to why I am not married and have no kids:
- It’s against my parole
- It’s against my lease
- I prefer pets...they’re quieter and cheaper and don’t sass me as much and if you want the pitter-patter of little feet...they have twice the amount of feet!
- Yesterday I slept for 14 hours straight...when is the last time any parent did that?
- I prefer looking at travel brochures, not articles about how everything is dangerous to kids.
- Marriage is a joke
- My big decision today is if I have time to get both my hair and nails done before heading out to the pub...and I like it that way.
- My adorable nephew’s idea of playing is to cough in someone’s mouth...no thanks.
- Cartoons suck these days, I’d hate for a child to have to grow up with these poor substitutes
- My man is with me by choice, not a legal document preventing him from leaving
- I still think of drool, puke and poop as what happens after too much Jaeger
- I don’t like waking up for a job that pays me money let alone a human being who will cry and pee on me
- Based on my family, I don’t trust my genetics to risk spawning
- Episiotomies...enough said.
- Can’t drink during pregnancy....ya, that’s not going to work for me
- This world is over-populated, you should be thanking me!
- I can't even commit to a paint colour
- I can't keep a plant alive
- I don't have to sensor myself when watching hockey
- I've forgotten way too much of what I learned in school to attempt teaching another person
- I still get to dance to Beyoncé's "Single Ladies"
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