Royal Decrees

While it is taking longer than I thought, let's face it, there will come a day when I am Queen of the World.  We all know it, the important thing is to embrace it and to prepare for it.  So, like the soon-to-be useless politicians do now, I will give you a glimpse into some of my policies that will be enacted when I take power.  I highly suggest doing whatever you find necessary to adapt to these changes now, because when I do take over, the 'Great Change' as it will be known, will be swift and it will be absolute.

Royal Decree #1: Every citizen shall be given 'Stupid' stickers.  These stickers are to be placed on others whom the citizen feels has acted like an idiot.  Once a person has accumulated 10 stickers on their person, they will be subject to trial and punishment.

Royal Decree #2: Any man caught wearing their pants down around their knees will have the pants hiked up to the absolute highest they can physically go and have them stapled there until such a time as they are able to remove them.

Royal decree #3: Adam Sandler, Kevin James and Eddie Murphy will be banned from the making of any type of movie and the mention of any of the garbage they have made over the past decade will be punishable by endless repeat watchings of Jack & Jill.

Royal Decree #4: All music requires royal approval.  This means no more Bieber, Mariah Carey is sent to Mordor and country music will really have something to twang sadly about.

Royal Decree #5: The number 9 will now be pronounced as a quacking noise....the Queen has spoken!

Royal Decree #6:  There shall be established a new government department of justice.  If you hurt a woman, a child, an animal or anyone who is too weak to defend themselves....you shall be subject to a way of life that will make Game of Thrones look like a Care Bears episode (well, if you don't count NoHeart...that dude was scary).

Royal Decree #7: Strombo, Kypreos and Glenn Healy are all fired. Ron McLean shall resume his place of honour and the classic version of Hockey Night in Canada shall resume.  The abomination that has been displayed this season shall never henceforth be mentioned again.  I shall not decree that the Leafs win, as I do not think that even a threat of total annihilation would be enough to inspire the current bunch of useless losers to make an effort.

Royal Decree #8: No more reality TV.  Seriously...enough.

Royal Decree #9 (aka #Quack): George RR Martin shall HURRY THE F**K UP on the next couple of books.  I need closure you fat bastard!

Royal decree #10: All middle school and high school teachers shall be given authority to beat the crap out of students....because those snot nosed pricks need to learn some respect and their parents aren't doing it.

Hem hem...for now, that is your sneak peek at the beginning of my new regime.  Some of you will prosper and rejoice, some of you should start running now.  It's probably best if you start worshiping me now as your loyalty will be rewarded when the day of ascension comes.