The Art of Walking

As a creature with feet, humans walk...humans have always walked, even when we were barely sentient Neanderthals, we walked. It is a basic human function. 

But is it just that simple? To quote the great John Pinette..."Nay Nay"

There is an art of walking, in that there are rules that must be taught and obeyed. If you are completely flummoxed by this idea, chances are you are guilty of one or many of the oh-so common infractions of the urban biped:

1. Slow walkers: Move. Get out of the way, move to the side, or just take a bus instead. Now, this does not apply to people such as the elderly, the disabled etc- this applied to perfectly capable humans who chose to walk down the middle of the sidewalk at a pace that would suggest they are composed of sand and any swift movements would cause them to deteriorate. If you walk slowly, move to one side and let people who walk faster pass.

2. No more than 2 at a time: Two is company, three's a crowd. If you are walking in a group of more than 2 people, you are only to walk in pairs when passing on sidewalks. Three people takes up most, if not all, of the sidewalk...so you would just be sidewalk-hogs at that point. If there are three of you then one person must bite that bullet of being the third wheel that's dropped back and left behind like the soldier who didn't make it to the chopper on time (cue Willem Dafoe death in Platoon). 

3. Do not stop or stand in the middle of the sidewalk: need I explain? Really? This is the same reason you wouldn't randomly slam on your breaks and check your GPS in the middle lane of the 401 during the morning rush. If you're lost or having a chat...move to one side, otherwise people are quite justified in brusquely moving you there with their elbows, shoves and anything else they may be carrying with them.

4. Pay attention: I usually walk while I have music playing on my phone and I do check apps and text...but when you get to an intersection, look up from your handheld metal device to see if a much bigger one is about to slam into you. 

5. Walking with kids: your kids are just the cutest little things in the whole world aren't they? Well, they're in my way. Do not let your children randomly walk down the street with you leaving them to stumble about, walking in to people and holding up foot traffic. Stay to one side of the sidewalk, keep an eye on them and keep them in line. "He's just a child", yeah well, now he's just roadkill.

I will leave it at these five for now, feel free to comment your own walking nuisances. One that bothers me as well is people who drag their feet- too lazy to even lift a foot- I'm pretty sure those people are evidence of the devolution of humans.

So while we, as humans, may like to think of ourselves as the most evolved species and of a far developed intellect...the fact is that after millions of years of evolution, we still haven't even mastered walking on our own two feet.